


Remedy

by hellotweetygirl



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, Anxiety, Background Character Death, Chronic Illness, F/M, Hiding Medical Issues, Illnesses, M/M, Past Character Death, SHINee Big Bang 2016, Starting Over, Tags Are Hard, long fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-26 21:24:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9922709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellotweetygirl/pseuds/hellotweetygirl
Summary: Minjung is an author faced with writing the most personal novel of her career. Kibum is the personal assistant her publisher has sent to make sure it gets done. As they both contemplate their futures will the secrets and scars of their past hold them back or will they find a way to heal while working together?





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: If any of you are regular followers of mine you have probably seen me posting (on tumblr) about Chronic Illness from time to time. I myself have lived with JRA for 22 years so it is a topic close to my heart for a number of reasons. This fic is born, in part, our of my own experiences. If you would like to learn more about RA/RD please visit me and I'm happy to point you to some resources. If you have any questions please feel free to message me here on ao3 or on tumblr, I’d love to chat! 
> 
> Special thanks to @shinyaqua, my bae who put up with me nattering about this fic for months on end and who kicked me in the pants when I wanted to give up. Ily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that secondary female characters mentioned in the tags are not significant players in this story. Minjung and Solar are the only ones who will appear continually throughout.

The doorbell rang with decisive authority. Once. Twice. Three times. Long and loud. Each with its own marked punctuation and comma in between before the ringing stopped and the knocking began. The author of the clamor was persistent, Minjung would give them that. She fumbled for her phone swiping groggily at the first notification listed. The screen came to life with the image of a neatly dressed man in the hallway outside her apartment and she idly wondered what he wanted from her at this hour. Didn’t matter anyway, there wasn’t enough curiosity in her to drag her from her bed to find out. She hurt too much to care about solicitors at her door at indecent hours.

Carefully she set the phone down in its charging cradle and gingerly rolled over in bed taking the blankets with her. She cocooned herself into them and hoped their warmth and weight would lull her to sleep once more.

After a few minutes the knocking died away and silence reigned once more. Minjung’s breaths drew short and soft easing into a practiced rhythm as her mind grew heavy and the world melted away around her. This was such a good feeling. A content feeling. A relaxed feeling. A feeling of-

The phone behind her began to screech out the chorus of Wonder Girls Like Money at unholy volumes and Minjung cursed under her breath. Grudgingly she rolled over and reached for it, her thumb hovering over the ‘decline’ icon for a moment before she made up her mind and swiped right.

“Get out of your bed and answer your door!” the voice on the other end ordered.

“Good morning to you too my lovely sunshine princess! And how is the wonderful world of publishing today?” Minjung countered, false cheer dripping from her voice. 

“So help me Minjung do not play games with me today! Why aren’t you answering your door? You were making me worried!” the voice on the other end scolded.

“Don’t tell me that kid outside my door is from you Solar, please, I don’t have anything to turn in yet! Send your messenger boy another day!” Minjung whined and twisted herself around trying to disappear into the depths of the plush mattress and only succeeded in tangling herself in the sheets and sliding the blankets down and off the end of the bed.

_Just great._

Taking a deep breath she flopped around again until she made it to her back and searched for a comfortable spot to reposition her head and shoulders. The mass of pillows that were sandwiched between her and the headboard were designed to be the center of all the comfort she could possibly want - but sometimes she and they weren’t on speaking terms. 

“Who’s at my door Solar?” Minjung questioned, annoyance tinging her voice.

“Never mind about that right now. I sent him for coffee. You have fifteen minutes to be ready to open that door when he comes back. No excuses, no complaints- understand? Have a fabulous day Min! We’ll talk later. Don’t scare him off!” With that admonition the line went dead.

_Perfect._

The debate as to whether to follow her pushy editor’s instructions was brief. If she wanted to keep the woman happy and out of her hair while she worked towards her deadline she was going to have to start offering some tribute. There was only so much natural goodwill of her own with which she had to bargain.

Minjung tapped her phone to check the time. 8:16 AM _Why were decent people awake at this time in the morning?_

Struggling to a sitting position Minjung dropped the phone back in its cradle once more. Tossing the covers back she swung her feet out and placed them on the floor, testing and giving herself a moment to adjust to the pressure against them and the feel of the cool hardwood floor. With a lunge she pushed away from the bed and wobbled to the dresser a few feet away. Opening and closing drawers at random she retrieved a few items and made her way across the room to her en suite bathroom and began the futile attempt to make herself respectable to the stranger that would be back at her door in no time.

~~  
When the doorbell rang again Minjung was not ready to face the day, much less the bearer of it, but she shuffled forward anyway checking her phone to again spy on the man of the other side of the door. Taking a deep breath she pocketed the phone and swung the door open.

The man was caught with his fist in the air, poised to knock again. As he spotted her his features went from resigned to his task to relieved to see her.

“Finally!” he breathed lowly.

“Excuse me?” Minjung queried, raising a suspicious eyebrow at the man she was now face to face with.

“Um nothing,” he licked his lips and took a deep breath. “Um, are you Choi Minjung-sii?”

“Yes.”

“Hello!” He plucked a coffee out of the cardboard carrier he held and shoved it at her. “I’m Kim Kibum and I’m your new personal assistant. Solar-ssi sent me to help you complete your current manuscript. Um, I’m here to do whatever you need so that you may write peacefully and finish on time.” He finished his introduction with a bow, his arm still extended awkwardly in front of him still offering up the stout paper cup and its steaming contents.

Minjung stared openly at the man in her doorway and the moment dragged on and on, a terrible silence growing between them as he stood upright. She only blinked, unresponsive to his cheerful declaration.

Minjung felt no remorse as she shut the door in the man’s face. 

She was going to _kill_ Solar for this.

Marching back down the hall she skirted around the behemoth of a couch in her living room and dropped into the large armchair by the windows that looked out into the city. Angrily she struck at buttons on her phone until the display reported that she was being connected to the source of this ridiculousness. Her hands shook as she brought the phone to her ear. The moment she was connected she launched in.

“What the hell Solar!” she screeched. “What the hell is that person doing here? Why would you do this to me?”

“Now Minjung, don’t overrea-”

“I am _not_ overreacting! Don’t tell me that Solar! You know there terms of my contract say that I work at home and that you handle the business. How is sending him over here you handling business stuff?” Her voice rose in pitch as her emotions plummeted. “You know I can’t do this, you know I can’t have someone here! And-” she emphasized, “I don’t need someone here, I don’t need a babysitter! I’m doing fine on my own. You’ll have what you need when you need it. Have I ever let you down?”

“Minjung, I am handling business stuff- you have already missed your first deadline and you are running dangerously close to missing your second one. I can’t rescue you if you miss that one Minjung, do you understand what I’m saying? Do you understand you’ll put your contract and _all_ the remaining novels in jeopardy if you screw this up?”

“Yes! I do! But,” Minjung’s voice cracked and ground her jaw looking desperately at the ceiling as if it would provide her a way out of this. In her own mind Minjung knew she was beginning to sound frantic but the flood of emotions and panic in the mind told her she could care less about sounding professional to Solar in this moment. “I don’t need that person in my house. I don’t want him here. I promise I will be good, and work hard, and-” 

“No.” the voice was quiet in its command but there was no question to its authority. “Sweetie, I know this is hard for you to wrap your mind around right now, much less do, but I promise this is going to be for the best. Kibum is really wonderful I promise, he has been working with me for the past six months and he is really useful. I have total trust in him, he’s worked hard to learn how things work in this company and I know he is going to help see you through the end of this project. It’s only for a few weeks, you’ll survive. And you’ll thank me afterwards too,” she chuckled.

Minjung listened to what her editor, her friend, was telling her but it only made her bite harder at her bottom lip. She wished the tears pricking at her eyes weren’t so quick to rush to the surface when she was upset. Half of her wished she could curse out the woman and tell her where to put her personal assistant but their relationship just didn’t work like that. Solar was more than Minjung’s editor, she was her friend- and would never violate her trust by asking her to do something she didn’t feel she was necessary. They had been through too much for that.

_A fact which sucked._

“Min, you need someone to hold your hand on this. Please just do this for me.” Solar requested, her stern publisher's voice turning soft and personal.

“I don’t need anyone to hold my hand, you know that.” Solar’s noncommittal hum was perturbing. Minjung sighed. “Fine. But he comes and goes by my rules. If he screws up he’s out. No takebacks. Deal?”

“Deal!” The voice of her editor sounded way too triumphant to make Minjung comfortable. “Now, go and get him. I told him not to leave even if it took all day!”

“Solar!” Minjung whined in despair. “Crap, you didn’t! Couldn’t we do this tomorrow? I’m not ready for this!”

“Bye-bye Min, have fun!” the voice on the other end sing-songed before the line again went dead in her hand. 

In her mind Minjung counted to ten and composed herself before she once again checked the security feed and looked for the man. She didn’t see him. She hoped he had gone away.

Gathering herself from the chair with a sigh she shuffled down the hallway again. Her lips were drawn in a thin line and her brow was knitted with a resigned pinched wrinkle when she pulled at the latch and poked her head out into the hallway. The man was sitting on the floor opposite of her door clutching at his messenger bag, legs twined Indian-style, the coffee’s set neatly before him in the holder.

“Come in,” she ordered briefly walking away and leaving the door open behind her.

She walked through her home coming to stand in the center of the large room that was divided between living area and kitchen. She turned to meet him as he trailed down her hallway and stepped up into the main floor. He paused, seemingly unsure of where to move to or how to proceed. Minjung pointed to the small island and its two stools that sat in the middle of the kitchen. “Sit there. Don’t touch anything. Don’t move until I come back.” She ordered. 

He opened his mouth to make a response but then must have thought better of it as he snapped his mouth shut again. Silently he placed the coffees on the cold stone top and perched primly on one of the stools.

Satisfied for the moment, Minjung walked off. Sliding back the frosted glass doors on the far end of the living area just enough for her to slip through she retreated into her bedroom.

~~  
Minjung wasn’t sure what in life she’d done to deserve the situation before her but she was sure that it was one of several things that sprang to mind. Her whole body felt fluttery and full of jitters- and not the good kind. Her stomach curled with dread of having to go out there and talk with that man sitting in her kitchen, or worse yet- having to incorporate him into her routine. He clenched and unclenched her fists trying to give her frenetic energy somewhere to go. She settled for keeping them clenched and rubbing short circles along each index finger with her thumb. Minjung had to do what Solar had asked of her but she’d never worked alongside someone like this before and she couldn’t even process what the next month of working with him would be like. She didn’t want to even try. The thought made her mind seize up with anxiety.

Taking up her phone again she hit a number on speed dial and pressed the phone to her ear. “Jinki? Jinki, I don’t know what to do!” she moaned. “Solar sent me a man and I have to keep him, and he’s waiting, and-”

 

“Woah! Hold on, Minjung what’s going on? There’s a man? What do you mean there’s a man? Are you safe?” Jinki’s questions shot out as rapid fire as hers as he tried to assess what he was being told.

“Yes. I’m okay,” she sniffed, trying to rein herself in. “But I’m not okay too. Help me Jinki, please.” Her voice caught on the fear in the back of her throat and choked the plea from her.

“I’m here Minjung, tell me what’s going on- and start from the beginning.” Jinki prompted gently.

Ten minutes later she had explained the whole of her brief but provoking morning to Jinki. He soothed her with his words, his calm tone, and his objective viewpoint on her ability to handle what had been thrown at her. Internally she begged to disagree with some of his finer points but overall she appreciated the sentiment even in the face of her panic.

Whether or not he solved all of Minjung’s problems in the time it took to get a pizza delivered was never the point of her panic-button conversations with Jinki. Talking with Jinki provided her with an outlet to deposit her scattered, mind-racing, cannot-deal emotions when she became overwhelmed. Jinki knew her better than anyone and when she couldn’t feel her way out of a trauma he would take her hand and walk her through it to the end. _He was too good to her. He shouldn’t have to put up with all this,_ she chastised herself for the hundredth time.

“Minjung, I want you to be sure to take your pills alright? Don’t forget them just because you’re upset, okay?”

“I won’t. I promise,” she agreed without a fight.

“And I want you to just start over with today okay? Do what you would normally do. Remember to eat something too okay? Take care of yourself and just hang in there. And treat him nicely okay, he doesn’t know what he hasn’t been told and I’m sure he’s just looking to do a good job at his work like the rest of us.”

Jinki’s reprimand was light but it’s weight stung nonetheless. Murmuring her goodbyes she tossed the phone down.

She sat heavily on the edge of the bed drained and weak from the emotional turmoil and the tears that had dripped erratically down her cheeks through her conversation. She felt like someone had swept the rug from under her and unbalanced her whole world.

In a way they had.

Minjung didn’t work with people. She didn’t mix with people. She didn’t _socialize_ with people. And it wasn’t for the lack of interest in people or for the desire to do so- it was just the inescapable truth of her life that she had resigned herself to. People were not a part of Minjung’s life. People made things complicated. Complications gave her anxiety. Anxiety and stress made her condition made her condition worse.

That diagnosis would have to be the inoculation to this situation then. Minjung wouldn’t get involved. Just because Solar had deemed it necessary to the completion of her manuscript didn’t mean it was the truth. She would just keep doing what she was already doing then and engage with that man out there as little as possible. He would just be an annoying insect that she was unable to shoo out of her personal space.

Minjung sighed. She wanted to begin this whole day all over again and never get trapped into this position. For now, she would just have to settle for beginning it again.

~~  
Kibum sat attentively as he waited for the author to return. He heard a low voice behind the partition and wondered if she was speaking with the boss and just how in jeopardy his job was. She really didn’t seem to welcome his presence here at all and it worried him. He was new to working hands on with writers and in his training each one of them had exhibited their own quirks but this felt like there was more behind it than the straight and simple push and pull of author and editor.

After several long minutes which seemed even longer in his keyed up state he heard the soft click of a door being pressed shut and a moment later the muffled sound of rushing water could be heard seeping through the walls. Kibum sighed allowing himself to relax. If Minjung was going to take her time doing whatever it was she was doing back there he would at least allow himself a few moments to collect himself before she returned and he was again thrown into the frying pan.

Whatever it was he expected in his first commission in being a professional personal assistant, this was not it. He had intended to be charming, personable, and punctual, becoming indispensable to the author he had been directed to work with. Being ignored, dismissed, and treated like a disobedient dog was not in the professional conduct handbook that he had spent the last months pouring over and training under.

Kibum could not afford to screw this job up- in more ways than one. This job, this new work, was the fresh start he promised himself. One didn’t get as many chances as he had blown through much less a chance to wholly reinvent themselves and start over completely. This chance was an opportunity to follow through on promises he’d made. Promises he didn’t take lightly. He needed to make Minjung-ssi like him and allow him to stay.

He needed to follow through on this contract and make good on his future.

Kibum rolled his neck to release some of the tension in his muscles and idly began to take in the room around him. It had surprised him to be arriving in a moderately priced and out of the way neighborhood when he pulled his car to the curb that morning. He expected something better, more luxurious of someone he was told had hit the bestsellers list on multiple occasions. Taking in the room around him surprised him once more.

One modest room it seemed was all this woman needed. Everything and everyone would be well in sight from any point of the room but at the same time nothing felt cramped and crowded. The walls held a flush of seafoam on them contrasting starkly with the dark hardwood floors that ran throughout the space harmonizing the kitchen and living areas. The highlight of the space was undoubtedly the floor to ceiling windows spanning the whole right side of the apartment. Kibum was tempted to get up and take a better look at the view it offered but he thought better of it, and of angering the author should she suddenly reappear. What he could see from where he was however, was nothing to scoff at. This apartment had been well chosen to spark the imagination of any person, writer or no, as it looked out on not only the green spaces of the surrounding neighborhood but from its vantage on the hill, a good portion of the downtown area of the city. It was a perfect cross between homey and urban. 

A large blockish L-shaped dark grey couch faced the windows and the window was bookended by a single plush cream colored chair to the left, and a plain cream painted desk with spindly legs to the right. A large flat screen hung on the wall just to the side of the writing desk and just at the end of the couch. There was no frou-frou about the place, no knickknacks or obviously personal touches, but at the same time nothing screamed cold and barren to him. Everything that was done in the room seemed to serve a purpose and to be a part of a larger plan for simplicity and comfort. Kibum wondered if the woman had designed the space herself, if she did Minjung-ssi certainly had a good eye. He had lived in his mother’s house for enough years to know the difference between taste that money could buy and taste that was worthy of appreciation. He wondered if creative types were universally gifted in artistic design or if what he saw around him was the product of the swipe of a credit card. 

It startled Kibum to hear some fumbling and clattering on the other side of the bedroom doors and his attention jumped and flickered to the silhouette that hovered behind the closed doors. Kibum glanced down at his watch and realized he’d been daydreaming for the better part of three-quarters of an hour. _How had time gone so quickly?_ He didn’t have much longer to wait though as a moment later the doors finally slid open, just a bit, and out stepped Minjung.

Kibum seemed to be in a never-ending cascade of surprise this morning. The woman that stepped from the bedroom was a far cry from the pallid, disheveled, barely dressed creature that had answered the door and hour before. The creature that stood before him now was transformed.

The chin length red bob was combed straight and hung damply around her face. She had applied a little bit of makeup and it both hid the dark bags that had been under her eyes earlier and brightened her entire face with the approximated glow of youth. Instead of the baggy sweats of earlier in the morning, which he suspected she had slept in, she now wore a soft grey pullover sweater that hung low past her waist and long on her wrists. Paired with the loose fitting straight-legged dark denim jeans it was a look that was striking. 

Kibum did his best to remind himself of his professionality and that he shouldn’t be gawking at his new boss, but she was hard to distract himself from. She walked right past him and into the kitchen behind without sparing him a glance. He sat a little straighter and held a little more still and waited for her judgment.

~~  
For invading her personal space, her _home,_ Minjung had resolved to treat Kibum as nothing more than a fly on her wall, a piece of discarded gum on the bottom of her shoe. Even still she faltered when she saw him sitting right where she had left him looking for all the world like a little lost boy on his first day of school. As he clutched his bag to him and waited for someone to come rescue him from what was all a horrible mistake she could easily imagine what he must have been like as a child.

She caught him appraising her then, summing her up with a look and she ruthlessly squashed any kindly feelings that had begun to bud back to the dirt where they belonged. _How dare he assess her in her own home and pass judgment on her!_

She took a steadying breath and stepped resolutely from the doorway. Even with the warming burst of a shower and the cooling sensation of her favorite rosemary-mint body lotion Minjung’s whole body still ached like she had been involved in some contact sport and she felt unsteady and tired as she made a beeline for the kitchen. The meds she had taken before her shower would kick in soon but in the meantime she knew a coffee would do her a world of good.  
Reaching the edge of the island she held on to the hard stone and guided herself around the edge of it until she was on the opposite side. She noticed that the Lost Boy had turned in his seat to match her and they now stared at each other across the counter both at a loss as how to proceed.

Minjung made the first move and reached forward to tug one of the coffees out of the carrier but Kibum’s cry of alarm stopped her in her tracks.

“Sorry! Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He informed meekly. Juggling his bag under one arm he reached for the other cup in the tray and traded it for the one in her hand. “This one is your coffee Minjung-ssi.”

Suspiciously she held it up, popping the top and giving it a little sniff. It smelled wonderful. 

“Dark roast, three cream, three sugar, and a shot of caramel,” he supplied helpfully.

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “I take it Solar supplied you with that bit of information.” Minjung turned to the counter behind her and popped the coffee in the microwave and punched the buttons to make it go. She faced him again and leaned back on the counter for support. “So what else has my dear editor told you about me?”

“Umm,” he fumbled for a moment, “well, she just said that you were the top writer in the publishing house and to do my best to meet your needs so you could focus on finishing your manuscript. She said you had some difficulties lately.”

The machine behind Minjung beeped in quick succession and she turned to remove the cup. Taking down one of her own mugs from the cupboard above she dumped the whole thing into the new vessel and chucked the paper cup into the trash. She came around the island again skimming her hand along the edge of it and eased herself onto the stool next to his. Sleeves bunched back at her wrists as she wrapped her hands around the mug, and stared into the milky liquid. Sipping her coffee for a minute she rehearsed again what she wanted to say to him.

“Here’s the deal.” She spoke to the dwindling supply of coffee in her cup. “I don’t want you here, and I don’t need you here. But in order to keep my dear editor happy- something I very much need at the moment- you get to stay. You stay here and work here on one condition however- you follow my every direction and command to the letter. You don’t do that you’re gone. I will have no hesitation about kicking you out and not answering a single one of Solar’s calls afterwards.” She paused to look him in the eye. “Are we clear?”

“Perfectly.” He answered.

She stood and leaned into his personal space, glaring at him with all the force she could muster. “First thing you need to know,” she instructed, “is that if you ever ring my doorbell again before nine AM I will break your fingers.”

Kibum licked his lips, his eyes wide in surprise. “Okay,” he agreed.

“Second thing,” she continued, pointing but not breaking eye contact with him, “is that behind those doors is completely off limits to you. At no time for no reason are you to enter that space. Like, pretend it’s not even there. Understand?”

“Yes.” 

“Good.” They both stared awkwardly at each other not knowing what came next. 

“I suppose I should find something for you to do,” Minjung finally offered.

Her words were interrupted with the interjection of a sharp ring of the doorbell.  
Minjung cursed. “What now,” she groused under her breath. She trudged down the hall with as much grace as she could muster feeling Kibum’s eyes on her back. 

“Who thinks it’s okay to come and visit people so early?”

She spared a peak through the peep-hole and huffed as she opened the door.

“Noona!”

“Don’t ‘noona’ me you brat, get in here,” she ordered, reaching around his neck and pulling him in tight. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispered into his neck, “did Jinki send you over?”

He grinned brightly as he pulled away from her. “More like I demanded to know why he wasn’t already on his way over here and told him if he wasn’t going I was.”  
He winked at her knowingly and she felt the tension drain away from her. _This boy was a gift._ “Here! Look! I brought you something!”

Minjung finally noticed the pink striped paper bag he dangled in front of her and her eyes lit up. She snatched it away from him and unrolled the top peeking in and inhaling deeply. “My favorite!” she crowed gleefully.

 

Taemin smiled at her but his eyes wandered past her and narrowed. She turned to see what had caught his attention and caught a glimpse of Kibum retreating to his bolt upright position at her island. _Nosey._ “Come on, come and meet him.” She tugged at Taemin’s hand and he offered a reassuring smile.

Together they faced her fear.

~~  
It amused Taemin no end to watch Minjung interact with Kibum. He had never seen her behave around someone like she was. Typically she would be pressed, dressed, and put together for those rare times she had to attend a business meeting at her publisher’s, otherwise she was bumming around with him and Jinki not having to care about her appearance or showing her weaknesses as she treated them both like brothers. Fashion was never a requirement for their brand of fun. This morning however, she was dressed prettily, with makeup on no less- and she was skittish as a newborn lamb. One minute she would order Kibum around her apartment, telling him to hand over the single coffee that was parked on the counter, the next she was shying away from him like she had forgotten he was there and she was startled by his presence as she scooted between him and Kibum as the two men stood facing each other. He was glad he had come to give her moral support.

Minjung had given poor introductions between the two as she darted away with her pastry, stopping only to attach a name to a person before she grabbed her newly acquired second cup of coffee and snuck away to her chair in the living room to munch down.

“Hi, I’m Taemin” he repeated with slightly more formality than Minjung had provided. He offered a hand and the two shook.

“Kibum. Kim Kibum. It’s nice to meet you.”  
“It usually is.” Taemin replied cheekily and he heard Minjung snort across the room.

“Uh, sure…”

“So you’re going to be working with our Minjung I hear.” He offered

“That’s what I’m here for.” Kibum shrugged with a tight-lipped smile. Taemin could feel he was making the other man uncomfortable and he was pleased. 

“I’m sure that it will be a different experience for you. Our Minjung is a special girl.”

Kibum’s eyes narrowed though his tone remained light. “All my authors are special. Each one has a unique story to tell. Whatever needs to happen to bring that out onto the page is why I’m here. It will be a pleasure to work with Minjung-ssi, of course, but I’m certain that it won’t be that different from past projects.” 

Taemin very much doubted that there was anything about this project that was going to be typical but he just hummed an acknowledgment of the others words.  
Taemin had chosen not to enlighten Kibum with any more information than Minjung had provided in the introduction and it was good fun to stand making small talk with the man and watch him crawl out of his skin trying to figure out who Taemin was to Minjung. Now he wanted to push that a bit further and see what would happen.

He left Kibum standing awkwardly by the island and moved into the living area. He plopped down on the arm of Minjung’s chair and casually slouched over, wrapping his arm around her and whispering into her ear to ask if she enjoyed the treat he’d brought. She relaxed into his touch and answered him back with her own quiet murmur of appreciation. He whispered again asking if she didn’t think Kibum was pouting because he didn’t get one and she laughed loudly.

He loved making her laugh, she did it far too little. 

Taemin could see Kibum observing them closely and could see he didn’t know what to make of the pair. Hesitating for a moment Kibum made up his mind and approached the two of them with resolution. “Minjung-ssi, is there somewhere you’d like me to begin? Is there work that I can get started on while you visit with your...guest?” Taemin had caught the grimace that came with that last word and his own lips twisted into a wicked grin. Kibum had evidently made up his mind to dislike Taemin, which was a shame as Taemin had made up his mind to like Kibum immensely.

Taemin looked down on Minjung sitting rigidly in her chair and could see that she wasn’t in good condition. No matter how serene she appeared as she sat curled up and sipping her coffee, he could tell she was in pain and knew she was rocked emotionally as well. He knew it wouldn’t be long before her façade of ‘okay’ would be difficult for her to maintain if not crumble altogether. It was time to push his leverage in her best interest. 

His phone chirping startled him out of his thoughts and he checked it quickly. “I got to go now. But I’ll be back soon to check in on you my lovely noona.” His words were syrupy and exaggerated- and full of mischief. 

Minjung pinched his leg ruthlessly. “Stop acting up you brat! And you’d better come see me soon- bring Jinki! I want to see him.”

Taemin clutched his heart and moaned. “Ugh, of course you want him not me! I should have known!” He wasn’t surprised when her fingers dug deep in his flesh again and pinched. “Ouch!” he complained, skittering away from her. “How am I supposed to explain you marking up my thighs noona?” he pouted.

“Your business not mine.” She chuckled with a shrug.

 

Kibum cleared his throat loudly. Minjung’s eyes flew to him and she started- clearly having forgotten him again. “Oh, Kibum, yes-” she fumbled, “I really have nothing for you to do today. You can return in the morning. Be here at seven.”

“Okay, but you said-”

“Just for tomorrow! Being on my doorstep at that hour any other time will not end prettily- but tomorrow it’s okay. I’ll hopefully have something for you then.” She told him grudgingly.

“Come on Kibum, I’ll walk you out.” Taemin leaned down to give Minjung a peck on the cheek and headed for the door. Kibum stood, arranging his bag on his shoulder and gave a polite bow to Minjung before following, muttering under his breath.

The ride down in the elevator was a short one. Unexpectedly it held no conversation, no inquisition from either of the two men as Taemin thought it might once the two of them were alone. As Taemin hit the outside door and felt the warmth of the day hit his face a question was flung at him from behind.

“Why is she special?”

Taemin paused in the door, turning back and leaning into it his grin cracking wide. Kibum stood in the middle of the sparsely decorated lobby challenging him to answer. “Minjung?”

“Yes, Minjung-ssi. Everybody in the office talks so warmly about her and says she is special but I really didn’t see anything today that makes her different from other authors I’ve worked with. I don’t understand why people keep saying that. You seem to know her well. I thought you could answer the question.”

Taemin shook his head fondly with a wide grin. “That,” he replied, “is something you will have to answer for yourself. But by the time you figure out the answer you’ll be too deep in to even want to tell yourself the truth.” He stared down Kibum for several beats daring him to challenge the statement. “Good luck Kibum.”

Taemin tugged his sunglasses out of his pocket, slid them on, and walked into the bright day.


	2. Part Two

When the doorbell rang at precisely seven the next morning Minjung was already in the full swing of productivity. Or rather, in the downswing of it. After a lengthy nap following the departure of her surprise morning guests she had risen late in the afternoon, fixed a light meal, and begun the process of outlining her book- and she hadn’t stopped. 

Minjung had read somewhere before every writer’s process was different- but she was pretty sure that no one did things quite the way she did. Minjung was a visual learner. A fact that translated heavily into her writing process. If she couldn’t see it on paper, she couldn’t see it to write it. When Minjung entered the beginning stages of serious work on any one of her novels her apartment became her mind-map, her canvas.

The past six months Minjung’s apartment had been bare, mocking her as it mirrored the blankness of her mind. Minjung knew what her story was about but thinking about the emotional impact of what she had been contracted to write had troubled her. The genesis of it was both too far in the past- and too close to her heart that sometimes she could feel the tendrils of anxiety curl around her heart and squeeze. It was part of what had blocked her all those months ago when she first began the manuscript, and part of what she was sure had helped send her condition into a flair. Struggling to see daylight at the end of the tunnel she had warred with writing this sequel even as she warred with her body.

Now she was in trouble.

Minjung knew it was possible to write a novel in a month’s time but she had never planned on doing it herself. Now there would be no choice, it would be a month of frantic typing sessions, late night take out deliveries, and arguments with her characters- and she didn’t know how she was going to survive it.

She swiped her phone to check the security feed and buzzed Kibum through the apartment door.

“Good morning Minjung-ssi, I am…” his voice trailed off as he stepped into the room but she ignored him and kept up a steady thunk of her fingers against the keys. For a few moments there was silence as she raced to finish the thought she was expressing before it escaped her mind. She finished and hit save and print. 

She finally turned to face Kibum as the printer whirred to life and chugged out text inch by inch.

Kibum stood in the entryway with a dumbstruck expression. It was a look she was beginning to have familiarity with and it made the corners of her mouth tug upwards. She seemed to be able to surprise him at every turn.

Only a few people had ever seen her work process and she was betting that to the outsider everything looked rather crazed at the moment. She watched Kibum’s eyes roam from one side of the room to another and back again trying to make sense of the chaos that had exploded in her living room in his absence. Every available surface was now covered with sheets of paper, lists, and a rainbow of post-it notes that defied pattern or logic. Plucking the fresh sheets off the printer she pinched off a gob of sticky tack from the wad on her desk and rose stiffly from her chair. She walked to the formerly bare wall on the other side of the room and mashed the sheets to the wall haphazardly, adding to the mosaic already displayed.

“Good morning Kibum,” she offered as she gathered the remains of cups and bottles, an instant ramen bowl and numerous protein bar wrappers and walked them to the kitchen trash.

“Good morning Minjung-ssi. Ah, what is going on here?” As he approached her she could see him appraising her again and she wanted to scream at him to stop it. He made he feel like a museum piece set out behind glass for all the world to gawk at and pass judgement on before passing by to grander novelties.

Minjung rubbed at the tender circles under her eyes and ran her hands along the back of her neck, stretching the tired muscles and gently massaging them as she went. She felt so desperately exhausted. But now was not the time to be exhausted, now was the time for playing professional. 

“What is going on here is your work for the day.” She nodded towards the mess with raised eyebrows. “Get it organized. Also,” she said handing him a handwritten list, “I need you to research these topics and have the info printed and waiting for me on my desk.” Minjung moved to the side of the refrigerator and pulled down a well-worn menu. “Order this at 5 pm, if you tell them my name they will know what I want.”

Kibum pulled out his phone and rapidly began taking notes. “And you can give me that,” she held out her palm to him waiting, “You left here yesterday without giving me your contact info. That’s not acceptable. If you’re going to be working with me I need to be able to reach you whenever I choose.” 

Kibum surrendered the phone to her and she punched her number into the memory. A moment later her phone buzzed from across the room. Satisfied, she tapped the red icon and handed it back to him. “I’ll see you tonight before you leave. Try not to make a lot of noise, I’m going to be sleeping and I don’t want to be disturbed.”

“Oh! Okay,” Kibum’s brow furrowed. “Eh, don’t people usually do that at night? Sleep I mean?”

“They do unless they’ve been up all night,” she answered testily. “So if it’s alright with you…” she let the question hang, not really looking for approval, just looking to make a point. She didn’t know why he was being like this, it was really none of his business when she slept and didn’t. She chafed at how childish and silly he was making her feel. Couldn’t he just take basic instruction and run with them? Sleep was calling her and she wanted to be free of his presence just as soon as she could.

“Oh, yes. Of course Minjung-ssi. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-” he cut himself short gathering a deep breath. He began again with an unsure smile. “I wanted to come and give my best work to you today and start off on a better note than yesterday. But instead I’ve managed to offend you. Again.” he cringed. “I apologize Minjung-ssi.” He made a small bow his expression looking so sincere that it flustered her.

Minjung shoved the already wrinkled menu into Kibum’s hands and moved away from him. Her emotions swung from intense dislike to its opposite in a matter of a moment. She was too tired to deal with this. She needed to get away from him. She couldn’t let misplaced emotions influence her opinions of him. He knew nothing about her that should cause him to be so openly sincere and frank to her- to be so nice- and yet here he was waiting for her pardon with concern written on his face. It was maddening. “Just forget about it. It’s fine.” She waved him away edging towards the bedroom door as she spoke. “Just do something with that,” she pointed vaguely, “and I’ll see you later.”

Minjung darted into her room and slid the door firmly shut behind her escaping into her own retreat. She paused just on the other side of the door, her eyes slipping shut with a sigh.

She could still feel Kibum’s stare through the door.

~~  
The bowls of steaming rice and stewed meat that arrived on Minjung’s doorstep come evening were accompanied by a box of mandu and several smaller bowls of pickled vegetables. It smelled fantastic. As Kibum took a deep breath of the aroma his stomach rumbled uncomfortably. The first thing he was going to do when he left here was place his own order of the delicious treats, he was starving. He juggled the boxes and bowls with experience and set them carefully on the countertop.

Kibum had done everything as requested and the meal had been delivered right on time, the doorbell ringing loudly through the apartment. He figured Minjung had to know what was going on, he had heard her up and moving around in the space shortly before the bell had rung but as minutes ticked by and she didn’t appear he began to fidget. He didn’t want to knock on her door as it felt like intruding but the food was going to get cold if she didn’t come for it- and he doubted she would be too pleased with him if it was.

Kibum rolled his neck and sighed. He didn’t know why he wanted to please this woman but God help him he did. Kibum typed quickly at his phone for a moment and then set it on the counter. He heard the chime of a message alert in the next room and waited to see what would happen.

Kibum had thought a lot about his conversation with Taemin as he headed home yesterday. This whole situation with Minjung had been odd from the moment he had landed on her doorstep and had only gotten weirder as the morning had progressed.

Kibum had thought himself prepared for anything that the job would throw at him but Minjung was so different from the women he was used to dealing with. From the bristly attitude he had encountered his first impression was to say she was angry and aloof, but something kept tugging at his gut and telling him there was more to it than that. In the short time he had been with her she had gone from agitated and disagreeable to docile and quietly affectionate at Taemin’s side. He felt on pins and needles with her from the moment he walked through her door. She gave him conflicting signals and odd energy and he could feel her distrust of him. Kibum couldn’t understand why she had been so vehemently opposed to his coming to work for her when Solar had impressed on him just how much he would be needed. He had come to respect Solar in his time at the company and wanted to do good work for her- and with how much Minjung had been praised he had felt the desire to please her as well. Now he just felt confused, his expectations turned on its head.

When he had texted Solar last night she wasn’t surprised at the welcome he had received but she reminded him his job was secure with her and just to keep going and to help even where he didn’t think he was really needed. She swore Minjung would warm up to him in time.

He wasn’t so sure that was the case.

Taemin had said yesterday that Kibum would find out about Minjung on his own and Kibum had ground his teeth to keep from biting something snarky out at the man. He would rather be told upfront if there were problems he needed to know about but no one seemed to think that was necessary. Not Solar and not Taemin.

And what was with Taemin anyway? He was like her own personal protection squad that had shown up out of nowhere to give him hell for interrupting her life. Kibum didn’t need that kind of drama. He needed to get the job done and move forward with his life. After what Taemin had told him though he wondered if that would be possible. Taemin had acted like Minjung had the power to put him under some sort of spell and really- who went around acting like the Ghost of Christmas Future giving ominous predictions like that? All the same it had sent a tingle up his spine as the other boy had spoken- and he didn’t like getting weird feelings like that, it usually meant trouble for him.

Minjung, Kibum had concluded, was simply a mysterious creature- different in a way that he couldn’t put a finger on- but that he wanted to figure out. And that was what alarmed him the most about this job.

Kibum sighed heavily and stretched his arms above his head with the grace of a feline. The day’s work had been tedious. He felt uncomfortable amongst the disorganization of the room and had set to work right away trying to make sense of the papers- and of the scrawl Minjung called handwriting. Some of the words he really couldn’t decipher or decide what it related to so those items he had piled to one side for Minjung to review later. The rest of it he had painstakingly lined in neat rows on her wall in the order they seemed to follow. On top of the sheets had gone some of the post-its and to the sides and in rows beneath he had arranged the lists where they appeared to relate to the topics on the page. The finished product was a masterpiece if he did say so himself. He only hoped that 

Minjung would agree with him.

The doors to the bedroom slid open and Minjung appeared. The outfit from before had been replaced with the more casual yoga pants and long sleeved shirt that was curled around her thumbs. She clutched a throw around her shoulders and the thought she looked soft and adorable as she shuffled over to the counter came unbidden to his mind. She slumped against the counter elbows first and popped open the box of mandu sticking her nose in the container and inhaling deeply.

“I swear this is what I live for,” she moaned. Minjung plucked out one of the dumplings and popped it in her mouth. She turned towards the fridge and stopped short a soft _“oh”_ escaping her lips as his presence registered with her. Her wide eyes blinked up at him, fatigue lining her features, surprise and something else flittering across her face. “You’re still here?”

“Yes, Minjung-ssi, you said you’d see me later remember? Plus, I’m not in the habit of leaving work until the boss says so.” Never mind that he’d never actually had a job until recently to apply such a principle too, but that was a minor detail he told himself.

“Don’t do that. I don’t like it.”

“Okay,” Kibum said slowly pushing off from the counter, “I’ll just leave when my assignments are completed then?” he inquired.

The furrow on her forehead grew deeper. “No. That’s not what I meant. I meant don’t call me that. Just drop the formalities. I can’t be any older than you and I really don’t like that language to begin with.”

“Okay…Minjung,” he answered, trying out the name on his tongue and liking the taste of it more than he should.

“Better.” She grunted. She shuffled past him the few steps to the refrigerator and retrieved a bottle of murky brown sauce which she splashed over her dumplings before returning it to its place. “Seriously though, you can leave. I don’t expect you to stay here all night. Although,” she paused, distress washed over her face as she thought things over. “I don’t want you leaving early either. You’ll have to be prepared for odd hours. I don’t know when I’m going to be working and when I’ll sleep but we’ll have to figure something out-” Minjung cut herself short as she turned towards the living room and spotted the neatly organized wall of materials. The mandu was dropped to the counter with a thud. “Oh my gosh.”

Minjung’s gaze swiveled from the wall to him to the wall again. She walked over to it and her hands began to roam in the air hovering over the sheets. Kibum’s chest tightened as he watched her unsure if her reaction was a good one or a bad one. He really hoped he would like what he’d done. Finally she turned to him, a thin smile was held back by tight lips but her eyes were alight with pleasure. “This is good work Kibum. This is really good.”

“I hoped it would meet with your satisfaction Minjung-ss- I mean, Minjung.”

“It does, very much so.” Kibum felt relief wash over him.

“Well the other papers that didn’t seem to fit or I had trouble with are in a stack there,” he nodded to the desk as he moved towards her, “as well as the research documents. I hope they prove equally satisfactory.”

“That’s good. I’ll look them over soon and we can talk about them more tomorrow.”

Kibum collected his bag from the couch. “For now,” he said, “I think I’d better leave you eat in peace before everything gets cold.” He smiled at her and bowed slightly.

“Yes, that would be a good idea.” She gave a small smile. If he didn’t know better he would call her shy, something was so soft about her in that moment. “Come tomorrow at ten and we’ll pick up from there.”

As Kibum left the apartment he felt the fist around his chest lessen its grip the further away he drove from the little brick building; but in its place was a hunger stirring inside of him, one that wasn’t his complaining stomach.

~~  
The following days that week saw Minjung settling into a fresh routine with Kibum by her side. She had buckled down and worked diligently, for the majority of each day she was focused only on the screen in front of her typing away in stops and starts and bursts of inspiration. Occasionally she would plant her face in her desk and fold her hands over her head in silent frustration over the words gumming up in her mind. Occasionally, she would stop to toss a question at Kibum like “how many hours will a taper candle burn?”, or “when it’s dawn in Seoul what time is it in Los Angeles?” It wasn’t anything significant but it freed her mind from the tedium of having to think about it and she felt like it kept him busy guessing what she might want next.

Kibum had proved to be an industrious worker, and more of a help than she thought he could possibly be. He carefully organized her printed sheets as they were run off the printer and kept a running count of how many scenes she had checked off her master outline on the wall. He dutifully went to the library to bring her home books on building a garden, and compiled the information she wanted from them. He ran errands for her and brought groceries, hell, the man even had proven to be a competent cook! She would hear him puttering in her kitchen and then have a kimbap or a salad shoved in at her elbow, everything he prepared had been delicious. There was nothing to complain about with him around. Having Kibum was like having her own staff to wait on her hand and foot and she couldn’t say the power wasn’t going to her head a little as she planned new challenges to throw his way.

Slowly over the next week the book began to flow and her word count began to grow. Minjung looked at the map on the wall frequently and bemoaned how paltry her progress actually was as her fingers hovered over the keys. She tried to remind herself each time that something was better than nothing.

During those moments Minjung refused to let her gaze drift to and linger on Kibum, and she pushed to the back of her mind how much she was thinking about the fly on her wall.

Minjung could tell that Kibum was careful around her from that first night he had watcher her stuff dumplings into her mouth like she was a starving animal- it had been mortifying and it made her wonder what sort of aura she projected to the man. She had tried to minimize their contact as they worked around each other and she felt he had been keeping his distance too. She wondered if he was looking down on her and her idiosyncrasies or if something else about her repulsed him. A few times she had caught him looking at her, studying her, and she wished she could discern what he had learned. Minjung knew the more time he spent with her the harder it would be to hide her weaknesses from him. It had been demanding already to project the air of normality she swathed herself in. She wondered if he was seeing deeper than she wanted him to already. Whatever it was Kibum saw his attentiveness ran between nervous and kindhearted as he hovered in the background tending to her requests. She didn’t like it. It made her self-conscious and led her right back to wanting him out of her space, if only so she didn’t have to feel the weight of his eyes on her, always seeing but never voicing his thoughts.

Today was going to be a shake-up in the routine. 

Today was Thursday, and Thursday meant Minjung was due at the clinic at half past ten.

When Kibum rang the bell she buzzed him right in with a tap on her phone. Easily she slid the phone into her handbag and looped the ring of her water bottle around her thumb.

“Good morning Minjung!” his voice rang out as it came through the hallway.

“Good morning. I’m heading out this morning for a few hours Kibum.” She slid a slip of paper across the counter at him and he took it eyes flicking briefly down the list. “Could you please run those errands for me? There won’t be any writing things for you to take care of when you get back so you are free to go after that. I’ll see you back here tomorrow at the usual time.” Minjung could see Kibum was clearly confused by the change in their established routine but she wasn’t giving him any more information than what she had.

“Sure, I can do these, that’s not a problem. But don’t you want me to drive you wherever you’re going? It’s not an issue, I do have my own car and I swear I’m not an irresponsible driver.” Kibum flashed her what she was sure was his best smile. A smile she was sure had gotten many girls to do whatever he suggested.

Minjung bit at the inside of her lip and gave him a half smile. “No, I don’t think so. I’m used to doing this myself so it will be fine. Just do as I’ve asked and I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

Seeing the smile fall from his face sent a twinge to her heart. One that she firmly ground down extinguishing the spark of emotion that flared up.

“I’m sorry Kibum, that’s the way it’s going to be.” Her words were clipped and abrupt and she turned away before she could see his reaction again. She lifted the light ruana from the back of the couch and settled it around her shoulders, sliding the handbag into the crook of her elbow.

She didn’t have time for this interruption, her plans for today were unmovable, just like she hoped, her heart.

~~  
Kibum coasted through the yellow traffic light with barely a thought to the safety he promised Minjung he exhibited while driving. His mind was too busy on the woman herself to notice the car that honked at him.

Kibum’s phone began to ring and he fished an earbud out of the cup holder and jammed it in his ear as he made a left and pulled into the outside lane. “Hello?”

“Kibummie! How’s the new job?”

Kibum relaxed at the voice, the lines of concern on his forehead melting and being replaced by a wide easy grin. “Hi hyung!” his voice was indulgent and soft, he loved getting calls from his brother in law. Well, after everything they _should_ be brother in laws.

Kibum figured he was allowed to decide who his family was.

“Everything is fine, Jjong. I’m going to do great and I’ll be fine here.” Kibum tried to keep his voice positive but couldn’t control the little sigh that escaped.

“Oh yeah? It doesn’t seem like you’re so sure about that. What’s up?”

“It’s nothing. Really. It’s just…the woman I’m working for is a little different. But I’m sure I’ll be able to figure something out.”

“Different from chaebol debutants who chase you for your looks and your daddy’s money?”

“He’s not my father Jonghyun, you know that. And yeah, she’s no debutant that’s for sure. She’s…” he hesitated, not knowing what word to label her with. “She’s unconventional,” he settled on.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jonghyun replied, suspicion edging his tone.

“It means,” he squirmed, “that she’s weird. It means that she acts difficult one minute and doe-eyed the next and I have no idea how to read her and I frankly have no idea if I’m doing her any good or if I’m pleasing her or not at all!”

Jonghyun’s howl of laughter pierced his ear and Kibum clawed at the earpiece, removing it for a moment before readjusting it. “It’s not funny Jonghyun! What do you think you’re laughing at? She only has a few more weeks before her project is due. We have to have it submitted on time or she might lose her contract- but I’m on pins and needles with this woman. I’d like to help her but I don’t think I’m really doing her any good. I think I make her nervous, like, sometimes I catch her watching me out of the corner of her eye like she’s making sure that I’m not going to jump her. ” 

“Well are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Going to jump her?”

“What?” Kibum shrieked, “Jjong you can’t say stuff like that!”

“Kibummie are you in love?”

“What? Jjong, be serious!” To Kibum’s annoyance Jonghyun couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“I just find it highly amusing that you’ve met a woman who’s got you on edge like this. I’ve never heard you talk about someone with such passion.” Jonghyun teased lightly.

“Jjong!” Kibum warned with a whine.

“She sounds nice Kibum-ah. She sounds _normal._ Like a real human and not a Barbie doll who only wants to add our Kibum to her arm candy collection.”

Kibum had to snicker at the picture Jonghyun painted, it was an all too real description of his life up until a year ago.

“And anyway, when did your plan to establish yourself as ‘the premier personal assistant of the publishing world’ and ‘cater to the needs of the best authors in Horizons Publishing’ turn into ‘she’s going to lose her contract, she needs me’?

“I did not say that! Jonghyun, I did not say that! You’re such a bad hyung, don’t put words into my mouth! I said she was different, weird, unusual. Nothing more than that!” Kibum protested loudly.

“What’s her name?”

“Minjung. Choi Minjung.”

“Hair color?”

“Flaming red.”

“What does she smell like?”

“Ugh, Jjong stop! This isn’t funny!”

“Answer the question.”

“She…smells like my grandmother’s herb garden after a spring rain.” The line went painfully silent in Kibum’s ear and he inwardly cringed at how foolish he sounded. 

Jonghyun cleared his throat and let it settle. 

“Woah,” he breathed, “you are in _such deep crap._ You’re supposed to help her _professionally_ not lose your heart Kibummie.”

Kibum groaned and wished he could reach through the phone and strangle his hyung. “Why,” he demanded, “are we even friends? Why do I rely on you for anything? You’re so full of it. Can we please leave dream-land and get back to reality? Please?”

“Kibum where you choose to live is your business, I’m just your older-and-wiser, looking-in-from-the-outside and offering you the stores of my life advice hyung. Kibum-ah, I know you just met this woman and that you are working under her in a professional capacity, but if you feel like you are growing attached to her on a more personal level then you shouldn’t wait to talk to her about it. I don’t need to preach to you about waiting, you know that all those moments are precious.” The air was silent between them for a moment as they both flipped through the memories that flashed on them. “Look,” Jonghyun sighed, “All kidding aside, I’m not trying to push you into something. You have plans and I get that, it’s just, sometimes, things come into our lives that are unexpected- and we should make the most of them you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Kibum’s voice was thick with emotion. He mentally cursed Jonghyun and his poorly timed sentimentality. “Jjong, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Kibummie.”

“It’s okay Jjong, don’t worry. I’m fine.” he insisted weakly.

“Just be yourself and everything will be fine. You’ll figure her out. Don’t overthink it. Take care of yourself Kibum.” Kibum cut off the line and a hollow tone reverberated through the earpiece, and through his heart.

~~  
Minjung had kept Kibum on the run all day with odd little errands and requests. It very effectively kept him out of the house, and, from answering any of the concerned glances Kibum shot her when he had seen her that morning. For someone who supposedly got a full night’s sleep she looked like hell and he wondered what she had gotten up to yesterday in his absence.

After another day of leaving her unsupervised- a whole concept that troubled Kibum that he cared so much about- he was eager to get back and check on her. The only trouble was that Minjung had already told him not to come back after his last stop.

Fate, however, had decided to smile on him as he had left the Horizons Publishing building and started home- and who was he to disappoint fate?

The elevator dinged and Kibum stepped out on Minjung’s floor.

The path to her door was automatic now, as was the security interface she used to screen anyone who ended up there. He pushed the bell and waited, hoping she would acknowledge his presence and not ignore him completely. It was a daily fear.

It was about the fourth day Kibum had been there when a package had been delivered and he had become aware of her spying through the concealed feed on the doorbell’s electronic interface. At first he had huffed at the realization that she had been spying on him since the very beginning but then decided that for a woman on her own it was rather ingenious really as it allowed her to screen potential nuisances. He wondered if she thought him one of those doorstep nuisances when he had arrived the week prior. It would explain a few things he’d wondered over if she had he thought as he shuffled nervously in front of the door.

Finally Minjung answered, her sweater clad form hunched onto herself and drooped as she leaned against the door.

“I brought dinner!” Kibum announced proudly holding up the loudly crinkling plastic bag.

“But why? You didn’t need to do that.” She challenged, confused and weary. “I  
told you to go home.”

“Well…yes, you did, but when I was leaving Solar’s office I drove past this little Indian place that I used to go to for lunches when I was working over there. I didn’t know if you’d had something to eat or not but I kinda assumed you hadn’t cause you were so focused on working earlier.” Minjung stiffened a fraction and her lip curled downward but he pressed his luck and pressed forward through the door. “I was starving and I bet you were needing to eat too so I just thought that I could kill two birds with one stone.” Surprisingly, Minjung meekly trailed along behind him into the kitchen as Kibum hoped she would and he thanked his stars she hadn’t started yelling at him yet. He knew she valued her privacy, he hoped he wasn’t pushing her too far with this surprise. Kibum began pulling out containers from the bag and set them up on the little island. Minjung looked half curious and half wary.

“I’ve never had Indian food. It’s spicy right? I- I don’t know that this is a good idea, maybe you should go.”

Kibum stopped and turned to her. Minjung’s eyes were wide and her body language said she was tense. “Do you _want_ me to leave?”

Kibum could practically see the question ping-ponging back and forth as she considered. “I want…” she took a deep breath, “I’m hungry.”

Kibum grinned. “You are going to love this! I can’t believe you’ve never had Indian food. This one,” he popped the lid open, “is Tikka Masala. It’s mild, I promise. It’s like,” he hummed, “It’s like chicken in tomatoes and yogurt and spices. It’s not too hot though, just a little spicy. And this one is like a lamb meatball? I brought naan, uhh, a flatbread, it’s delicious trust me. And,” he drew the word out with a flourish, “I know how much you love mandu so I brought samosas- it’s a fried dumpling thing and it has peas and potatoes and spices in it!” He stopped for breath and looked to see how she was taking everything. A warm pink covered her cheeks and brought some life into the sallow depths that had lingered since morning. She was embarrassed about something but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what had sparked it. 

Kibum helped himself rummaging in the kitchen drawer and pulled out chopsticks and spoons for the both of them. He slid onto one of the barstools and beckoned her over. Minjung slid the other stool out and away from him situating it on the corner of the island before she settled onto it. He tried not to take offense at the distance she wanted from him and slid a paper carton her way encouraging her to dig in.

Minjung took the container. She pushed her hair behind her ear and then picked out a chunk of meat, tentatively placing it to her lips. Kibum watched her intently as she bit down and sampled the new food. Slowly a smile spread across her face. 

“This is good,” she spoke around her mouthful.

“Of course it’s good!” Kibum scoffed, “I have high standards for the things I like- and this is the best!”

Minjung smiled at him a bit more brightly and stole the container he held helping herself to its contents. “ You could have good taste,” she said considering, “or- you could just be very lucky”

Kibum’s laugh was half shock, half amusement and he slapped his thigh as his body shook with the delight of Minjung answering him back slyly. “True.” He acknowledged over a bite of rice. “But I think I’ll stick with just having very, very good taste.”

The exchange lightened the tenseness that hung around them and they eased into conversation as they ate.

“So how did you end up as an author?” Kibum asked casually, hoping a neutral topic would set Minjung at ease enough to enjoy dinner with him. He was genuinely curious as to how she had come to be doing what she was.

Minjung paused and then chewed slowly around her bite of meatball. “Well, I wrote a lot in my teens. It was something I enjoyed, and it helped me to express myself when I really didn’t have any other outlets. I guess maybe a lot of people say that but it really is true for me. I was kind of a homebody as a teen, so, um, books and writing were the things I focused on I guess.” Minjung shrugged a little. 

“I guess you could say it paid off in the end.”

“That’s cool,” Kibum offered. “Not many people get to turn a hobby into a career. Not many people get to live out their dreams like that.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she mumbled, ducked her head. Hunching over the box of pyramid-shaped dumplings in her hand she picked idly at them. Kibum had never met anyone who didn’t like talking about themselves, it was always the go-to topic at any of his mother’s cocktail parties- especially when he wanted to shift the burden of conversation from himself. Minjung, however, was going to challenge his preconceptions on every front. She was obviously not one for prattling on about herself. She had answered him but it had been with clear hesitation and effort, not leaving a lot of room for conversation to begin. Kibum wished he could figure out what troubled Minjung about him.

“So what about you?” Minjung finally asked after a long silence. “What brought you to doing this whole ‘super-assistant’ thing you do?” She waved her chopsticks at him. Her phrasing was cute and he suppressed the grin he wanted to give her.

“Well…” he put down the carton he held and began to tear at the naan, breaking off small bites and popping them in his mouth. “My ‘super-assistant’ career began about a year ago. I, uh, needed a new direction to go into after some things changed in my life. A friend recommended me for a position at Horizons and the rest, as they say, is history!”

“You’ve only been doing this a year?”

“Ahh, well I’ve been with Horizons a year.” He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck wondering why he’d brought up this line of conversation to begin with. “Um, this specifically, the assisting, you are ah, my first official client.” He stared her in the eye as he spoke hoping to make up in stark honesty what he was lacking in experience- and apparently personal discretion.

Minjung met his gaze eyes wide with wonder and surprise. “But you’re good at this!”

He laughed at her mortified expression as she realized what she had said, a blush creeping up her neck and tinting her cheeks. “Oh! I didn’t mean that how it came out!” she rushed to correct her blunder.

“No! No, it’s okay,” he assured, “I knew what you meant. Honestly it’s kind of a relief that you think so. I wasn’t sure if I was meeting expectations.” The revelation was half tease and half truth and he was anxious to hear her verdict on his confession.

“Oh, um yeah, you’re fine!” Kibum watched her rub circles on the back of her thumb and could see her searching for words. “You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s just I’m used to working on my own and so I have to think and plan differently now. But I suppose this is working out alright.” She sounded remarkably un-confident in her assertion but he would take what he could get at the moment.  
Kibum wanted to reach out and take her hand and reassure her that this arrangement would indeed work out but reached for the distraction of a samosa instead.

“I’m glad Minjung. I want to be someone who is productive in helping others.” He paused in thought. “I haven’t always been like that and the things that made me want to change that have been strong motivators in my redirection. My hope is that this will be a good experience and something that gives me a strong start to my new career.” Kibum tried to read Minjung’s face but it was schooled into something carefully neutral. “I hope that we can work well together for the few weeks I’m here.”

Minjung continued to rub circles across her hands as the question that wasn’t really a question hung between them. She finally looked up and met his eyes again.

“It will be fine,” She replied nodding more to herself it seemed than to him. “It will be fine.” Kibum was sure the smile she gave him was meant to reach her eyes but somehow it never came full measure. She was trying to convince herself of the truth of her words, words that didn’t have the full power of belief behind them.  
When Kibum left half an hour later after sating both appetite and curiosity, he knew so much more about the author he worked for and so much less about the safety of his own heart.

~~  
It was a quarter past seven in the morning and Minjung was awake. She hated being awake at this hour. She limped painfully as she returned from her fourth trip to the toilet in the last half hour and cursed Kibum’s exotic food tastes. Her intestines were dying and she wanted to die with them.

Perching lightly on the edge of the bed she squeezed out a blob of the calming lavender and rosemary lotion and massaged it into her hands. She reached for her phone and messaged Kibum.

_Work canceled. Don’t come. Will txt later about tomorrow._

Minjung crawled back in bed cried.

Her infusion had made her sick and weak the day before and the new foods from the evening had wreaked havoc with her stomach all night. She had tried something new and it sucked. It sucked because it was her and her crappy body and _of course_ she couldn’t just be allowed to enjoy the food and the experience. It sucked because she couldn’t carry on a casual conversation without cringing at every other thing she said. Kibum again had shown kindness and consideration towards her and not only couldn’t she handle the friendly sentiment like a normal person, her body couldn’t handle what she’d consumed. Minjung curled into the large pillow that lay next to her and pulled it close trying to find a place of comfort. She felt miserable. There was no way in hell she was facing this day. Today would be a rest-and-try-not-to-die-day.

It was just the kind she was used to.

Minjung ignored the string of message alerts that sounded over the next hour before her phone finally fell blessedly silent.


	3. Part Three

Minjung sat at the edge of her chair, and shook the dice in her hand nervously. The large ottoman had been kicked to the side of the room allowing her chair to be pulled right up to the edge of the carved chest that sat in front of the couch. The wide smooth surface displayed a Monopoly board full of miniature buildings and hastily arranged cards.

“Go! Go! Go!” chanted Taemin, banging his fist on the couch cushion and looking the picture of laziness from his stretched out spot on the couch.

“Shut up, she’ll go when she’s ready,” Jinki said, his deep voice reverberating with a chuckle. He tossed popcorn at Taemin’s head and grimaced as most of it fell short of its intended target. Taemin scooped it from the floor and stuffed it into his face with a wink.

Minjung stuck her tongue out at Taemin and tossed the small cube his way. It skittered short of the houses on the far side of the board and clinked over a final time before showing a five. Minjung whooped her joy and tapped her thimble the allotted spaces. Gleefully she picked up the wad of cash that was stacked on the Community Chest spot and began organizing it by color into her own stash.

Minjung loved game night. When Jinki had begun to bring Taemin around a few years ago it had begun as a way for them all to get to know each other. As time went on however, it had become the group’s favorite shared activity. It was a chance to unwind from the week’s stressors and to be themselves with family- that and the food was never to be missed. 

Taemin went next giving the dice a single cursory shake and dropping them onto the board. Two. Minjung giggled, he’d had the worst luck all night and hadn’t managed to roll above a four. He was losing badly and they all knew it. Disgusted, he flicked at the battleship launching it crookedly across the short jump between where he was and where he was headed. Marvin Gardens. He buried his face in the couch and moaned.

“Someone have pity on me for the love of God.”

Jinki only smirked and held out his hand for payment. “Be thankful you didn’t land in jail, again,” he chirped.

Taemin fished around on the floor in front of him for the required bills and slapped them into the other man’s hand. “Here you robber baron take your blood money!”

Jinki grinned.

He picked up the dice and rolled a perfect six. He nudged his howitzer down the board and came to rest on Atlantic Avenue.

Jinki’s strategy was simple whenever they played this game. Minjung had figured it out when they were kids. Jinki’s sights were set on the highest priced properties and he seldom bought anything from the first two sides of the board. Instead, he aimed for the third and final sides, almost always creating an unbreakable monopoly on his favorite properties- and taking great joy in building larger and larger hotels on a select few spots that were sure to have the highest traffic. Between Free Parking and GO he rarely had to put out cash to anyone. 

Jinki collected the dice and dropped it in front of Minjung. “Take as long as you like. I’m sure Taemin would like to put off reaching the boardwalk again as long as possible,” he smirked. 

Minjung laughed and tossed the dice without hesitation.

“I knew it, you don’t love me!” Taemin whined. He flung his head back on the soft cushions and threw an arm over his eyes. Minjung could only continue to laugh.  
The doorbell rang and Minjung started. “It’s ok,” Jinki placed a hand on her knee, 

“It’s just the food. I’ll get it.” 

“It’s about time!” piped in Taemin. “I’m starving!”

A moment later Minjung was surprised when Jinki returned not with the food but with Kibum.

It had been a week since her and Kibum’s shared meal and awkward attempt at conversation and she still felt guarded around him. Kibum had tried to ask too many questions after the disastrous incident with the food and she had been unwilling to satisfy his curiosity as to her strange behavior in the aftermath. In her attempt to protect herself things had become clumsy between them.

“Feed me Jinki! Feed me before I die!” Taemin continued dramatically, unaware of the man who had entered the room.

“Hi, I’m sorry to interrupt your evening. I didn’t know you were having guests. I would have just left this till the morning.” Kibum waved a large manila envelope at her, chagrin evident on his face.

Taemin flipped over on the couch sprawling out on his tummy along the length of it and beamed up at the other boy. “Kibum!” he grinned. Kibum acknowledged him with a nod.

“Um,” he again addressed Minjung, “I picked these up at the office today and was supposed deliver them to you but they got left behind in the car when I brought up the groceries. I found them a little while ago and since it was Friday I thought I should bring them by so you’d have the weekend to look over them. I guess I should have called first. I’m sorry.” Kibum walked to the desk in the corner as he spoke and laid the paperwork down. “I’ll just go.”

“Where are you going Kibum? Got a hot date?” Taemin asked cheekily.

“Uh, no. No, I wasn’t going anywhere,” the embarrassed man mumbled.

“You’re awfully dressed up for not going anywhere,” Taemin scoffed.

“Taem…” warned Jinki from behind Kibum.

Minjung evaluated Kibum then, finally recovering her senses and catching up with what was going on. He did look rather well put together. She’d never seen him in casual clothes before when he came to work he always wore slacks, and a dress shirt open at the collar- a relaxed sort of business wear. 

This was entirely different.

The skinnies he wore showed off every curve of his legs, thighs, and what appeared to be a remarkably fine butt. Tucked loosely into the skinnies was a pale blue and cream and gray striped shirt. On top he wore a sharply tailored gray cotton blazer and around his neck was draped a loose woven long and slim cream scarf. His eyes were lined sharply in fine black kohl. Even his skin glowed in a way she hadn’t noticed before, a way that had to be from more than just good skincare. The longer she looked at him the more he fidgeted and the rosier his cheeks became.

_What on earth was wrong with him?_

“I’ll see you on Monday.” Kibum gave a small bow and began backing out of the room. “Again, I’m sorry to have interrupted you all, I hope you have a nice time.”

“No! Wait!” Taemin cried. “Jinki, make him stay! I want him to stay!”

Taemin’s words brought a raised eyebrow from Jinki and froze Kibum in his tracks. Jinki looked to her with a shrug leaving the decision in her hands.

Her hands began to sweat and she rubbed them along her thighs.

Minjung bit her lip and nodded at Jinki. Taemin’s soft cry of _“Yes!”_ and victory fist made her smile. 

“Oh no! I couldn’t stay I’ve already stayed too long. I’m sorry.”

The doorbell rang again. “Food!” exalted Taemin.

Jinki placed his hand on Kibum’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “Please stay, there is plenty of food and it would be nice to have another player. It isn’t an inconvenience I promise.”

Kibum hesitated a moment his gaze flickering to her before he relented under Jinki’s warm smile. Minjung knew full well that there was little anyone wouldn’t agree to when Jinki turned on that smile, it was one of the things that made him one of the best doctors in the city. “Great!” the doorbell rang again. “Be right back,” he said, clapping Kibum on the back, “Make yourself at home.”

“You’re sitting next to me!” Taemin demanded, slapping the couch cushion next to his head. “I need reinforcements!” 

Minjung took a deep breath trying to smile courteously at Kibum as he settled next to Taemin and wondered what she had gotten herself into.

~~  
Kibum could not have been more astonished if you had told him Gucci made ugly slippers.

Minjung had friends.

He knew theoretically everybody had friends, but to find out in reality that closed off, shy, anti-social Minjung had some was an unexpected turn of events.

Kibum dropped down onto the couch next to Taemin and relaxed into his spot- and to taking in the whole scene before him.

After Jinki had returned with the giant bucket of chicken and smaller box of fried sweet potato nuggets Kibum was dealt into the game. Taemin informed him that Jinki was always the banker because he was ‘the sexy one in a suit’ and he’d smiled as Jinki had smacked the younger boy’s legs and threatened to raise the rent on the yellow strip of properties Taemin still hovered on.

The banter was warm and open and Kibum had been surprised to notice Minjung giggling from behind her hand. She was obviously at ease with these two- whom he had finally been formerly introduced to.

Jinki was her eldest cousin and a doctor, a fact that impressed Kibum as he listened to the man give his credentials modestly. However modestly he gave them Kibum had a feeling that the man’s skill was above what he claimed. His personality was charming and sweet and he put off a thoroughly reassuring vibe that helped to calm Kibum down as he settled into the midst of the little group- he could only imagine the effect Jinki had on patients.

Before Jinki could get another word in Taemin introduced himself, announcing that Jinki belonged to him. He then began to boast about the older man proudly as the subject of his conversation smiled fondly at the younger and looked bashful. Kibum couldn’t say that he wasn’t slightly relieved to find that Taemin _wasn’t_ Minjung’s boyfriend but he felt slightly bitter at the realization that Taemin had purposely led him to believe otherwise.

No wonder Minjung had called him a brat.

With a plate of food balanced on his knee Kibum took up the dice he was offered and rolled a mediocre three. Taemin reached forward and nudged the little Terrier piece Kibum had picked out ahead and scooped up the dice for himself.

Play progressed around the table as everyone munched on the fried goodies. Jinki was a natural at drawing out conversation from people and soon he found himself talking easily with the group.

Though he conversed primarily with Jinki and Taemin as he found out more about them, Kibum spent much of his time watching Minjung. He didn’t want to be obvious or weird about it but as she bantered with the other two men her smiles and laughter were as he had never seen it before. It amazed him. She was incredibly relaxed lounging back in her overstuffed chair, no trace of her nervous habits or skittish glances in sight- and she was absolutely radiant with contented happiness. Taemin and Jinki meant a great deal to her and the trust she had in them was evident. It was sweet really, the way she would touch Jinki’s knee when he began scolding Taemin over something trivial, or the times she would lean forward enough to drape herself around his arm, leaning on his shoulder.

Her affection for Taemin was no less. It was obvious the two of them were thick as thieves as they ganged up in teasing Jinki when he complained at landing on the Income Tax spot. Minjung treated Taemin somewhere between a best friend and a younger brother. Her partiality had shown through blindingly as she had insisted on giving Taemin the last of the chicken, over Jinki’s protests, and giving him the first of the ice cream when it came time for dessert. 

This Minjung Kibum was seeing tonight was warm and loving, comfortable in her own skin, and he wondered at never meeting her before.

This Minjung he hoped to see more of in the future.

Kibum was startled out of his revere as Minjung laughed freely at Taemin as he tried to flirt his way into Jinki selling him Park Place. It was never going to happen- Kibum was sure of it- but it was amusing to watch the lengths to which Taemin would go to try anyway. When Taemin slid his sock covered foot along the inside of Jinki’s thigh it provoked an embarrassed squeak and blush from the man that was adorable. Taemin didn’t get the property but as he rounded Go Jinki conveniently forgot the difference between hundreds and thousands as he handed Taemin his reward.

Taemin grinned at his victory.

The night passed quickly and before he knew it the time was well past midnight. Jinki decided it was time to call the game and they all eagerly cashed in their properties and counted their haul. Kibum swore Taemin added to his pool of cash as he scooped it off the floor but he was too polite to comment on it.

To his surprise Minjung came out the winner.

“Teach me your secrets!” Taemin begged stretching across the coffee table towards her.

“Be a good boy and someday I will,” she teased ruffling his hair. 

As Kibum drove away from Minjung’s that night he felt light and happy. He may have gone into Minjung’s that night looking for company and hoping to entice her into ordering from the new noodle place down the block and having a second attempt at dinner, but he came away having made wonderful new friends.

Jinki. Taemin. And Minjung…and maybe that was better.

~~  
Monday morning came without fanfare or an overabundance of achiness, two facts that put Minjung in a better mood than most Monday’s found her. With just over two weeks left till her deadline Minjung was feeling the pressure to perform well and to dig deep to make a strong finish. She didn’t need her body to act up or any little dramas to crop in.

She filled her coffee mug three-quarters full of steaming black liquid and then spooned in two spoons of sugar giving it a gentle stir. Adding her favorite caramel mocha creamer brought the mixture to the brim. She sipped gingerly at the rim and pulled back quickly, the hot liquid stinging the tip of her tongue. Carefully she cupped her sweater-mittened hands around the mug and made her way to her desk.

Swiveling the contoured chair around to face the mind-map Minjung set the mug at the edge of the desk. She stared hard at the wall calculating the progress she was making and just how quickly she could make her word counts for the week.

A soft chuckle from her left broke her concentration and had her eyes sliding furtively to where Kibum and his laptop were in residence at the kitchen island. He was looking down at his phone with a smile as he scrolled through something and then typed a response. Minjung wondered what had him in such a good mood and almost wished he would share with her as he had once before when some cat meme had set him off into a fit of rolling laughter. She had only to tell him that she didn’t really ‘do’ technology so she didn’t really understand the humor in meme’s to sober him up and have him apologizing. It made her cringe later to remember it.

She wondered if it’s what kept him from sharing now.

It was a shame if it was. After his crashing her game night with the boys on the weekend she was really beginning to soften to his presence in her life. There was something very easy about the way he fit into her group and Minjung didn’t know whether that should concern her or she should be happy about the discovery.

The sunlight was playing games today with the trees that lined the sidewalk below. As the defrayed light from the tops of the trees fell in dappled designs through the window it patterned all it overlaid. Kibum was no exception. The light played against Kibum’s skin and painted highlights down his body as the branches swayed, Minjung was transfixed by it and basked in a moment to observe him unnoticed. Kibum noticed everything- a regrettable fact for someone who wanted to remain unnoticed. The side effect of Kibum’s high tuned senses was that it gave no time for Minjung herself to ponder the man who was shaking up her world.

And shaking her up he was.

She may be crippled but she wasn’t blind. They didn’t make men more beautiful than Kibum. He was one of those rare creatures that exuded both delicate grace and masculinity- a powerful and attractive combination- a combination that had her mind buzzing on the foreign ambrosia.

But for someone like her Kibum was forbidden drink.

One that would cost her to dearly to ever sip. 

Minjung slowly looked away from Kibum and reached for her coffee as she returned her focus to the wall.

She wasn’t sure how it happened. One second she was scooping up the mug one handed and the next it was slipping from her grasp. Reacting with her left hand she tried to stop its fall and only succeeded in spilling the scalding liquid all over her hand. Minjung screamed and jumped back, the mug clattering to the floor. Rising from her chair and clutching at her injured hand she tried to shake the pain and the remaining drops of liquid away.

Kibum jumped up from the island with a curse and rushed to her side. He took the whole thing in with a glance. Grabbing her by her wrist he dragged her to the kitchen sink and ran the water full and cold plunging her hand under its stream. 

Tears sprung to her eyes as the shock of what she had done set in. The cool flow brought relief but she could still feel the heat pricking underneath the skin.

Kibum gripped her wrist firmly, guiding the limb back and forth under the water. 

Before she realized what was happening he had shoved the sleeve of her sweater back on her arm dragging a mixture of brown stain and cold water back against its length.

Kibum swore. He looked up at her startled and horrified and then down again checking that the ugly bruising he was witnessing was still there.

It was, it hadn’t changed. Minjung knew it would never change.

Minjung squirmed in his grip trying to break away as profanities continued to fall from his lips but he held her arm fast and wrapped his other arm around her waist trying to keep her from moving. 

“Hold still!” he barked at her. “We’re dealing with this hand first.”

Minjung wanted to run but her hand hurt too much to offer a strong protest and she wilted in his arms as a surge of pain flashed up her arm, her body bending and her head sinking down across her right arm that braced her against the edge of the sink as she grit her teeth. Her tears continued to fall freely. 

“Where are your first aid supplies?”

“Under the sink in the hall bathroom,” she whimpered.

Kibum gave Minjung a strict order to not move and as he released her.

His absence was but a moment and then he was back, slamming down the box of supplies and rummaging through them. He pulled the contents apart recklessly, sorting through what he wanted and what was of no use to him. Eventually he seemed to find what he was looking for and lined the items up neatly, scooping the other things together and dumping them back into the box. 

Kibum eased in behind her and gently drew her hand away from the chilling water. He held her arm carefully, avoiding the fading purple, yellow, and red marks on her forearm and led her to sit at the island. He stood before her and carefully dabbed at the angry read that streaked across her knuckles and spread along the back of her hand. All things considered it didn't look too bad. At least there were no blisters. 

"I can take care of this, it's okay." Minjung pushed his hands away from her taking the towel from his grasp and drying in between her fingers with soft pats. 

"No, you're not. Give me that," he said harshly snatching the towel back and tossing it on the counter. 

"Yes I am. Don't tell me what to do!" Minjung knew that her own voice sounded shaky and erratic but it was also determined. He would not order her around. Not in her own home. Not even if his eyes radiated distress in their umber depths. 

Their eyes locked in a stare-down and she defiantly tilted her chin at him even as she bit her lip in pain. 

Kibum deflated, his tense shoulders drooping. "Minjung please. I'm sorry I yelled but you're hurt... This isn’t good- and I hate seeing you hurting. Please, let me help you."

Minjung never was terribly good at fighting against sincerity. Even if it cost her in the end.

She surrendered her hand with a wince pulling her sleeve back down to just above her wrist and covering her arm.

Kibum's face hardened but he said nothing. 

Despite his outward hardness Minjung had never had someone be so tender in dressing her wounds. Not in all the years she'd been in and out of hospitals, not even with Jinki. Kibum squirted a liberal amount of transparent goo onto the back of his hand and began dabbing it into hers, his fingers working gently against the affected area. The pain began to ease as he went and she her eyes slid shut, thankful for the relief. Gauze went over the top and was secured with a loosely wound long stretchy dressing she didn't even remember she had in her supplies. 

Minjung cried, silently, through the whole thing. She knew what was coming next and she was an unwilling participant in this tableau that was about to unfold. She wished she had looked before she had reached out. She wished she had done anything really to avoid the situation she was in. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. It was all her fault._

It was always her fault. 

She hated herself for taking her eyes off of her focus. 

Minjung swiped at her eyes with the balled up sleeve of her other hand and willed the tears to stop flowing. She heard the cupboard open and close and the faucet run again and she opened her eyes to see what was happening. Kibum set the glass next to her and shook out a few pills from a bottle of painkillers. Setting them next to her he urged her to take them. 

She tossed the small capsules back like a pro and drank the glass dry. 

When she met Kibum's eyes she wanted to look away and hide. His gaze was stormy and piercing and she felt uncovered and exposed. 

"What the he-" he paused taking a deep breath, he crossed his arms as he leaned against the edge of the island. "Will you please tell me about the marks on your arm." His voice was forcefully calm and Minjung could tell she had shocked him and he was looking for control of his emotions. 

"No," she whispered. 

His lips pursed and he remained silent for a moment. "Did someone do that to you? Is someone hurting you, Minjung?"

"No," she replied, startled, and she could see that he believed her. She squirmed wondering why it meant so much for him to believe her.

"Did you do that to yourself?" Kibum tried again. 

"No." Her voice was small and she hated it. She slipped off of the stool and around him into the kitchen. “I think you should go.”

"No. I won't. I won't leave until you tell me what's going on!" 

Minjung picked up the roll of paper towels and walked back to her desk and began to clean up the mess she had made. "Yes. You will. I don't want you here anymore. Please just go away."

"Minjung no! Something's obviously wrong here and it’s not ok for you to go around with marks like that!"

Minjung turned her back to him and bent to drop a wad of paper on the largest spot. If she ignored him maybe he would just go away without her having to expend more energy on engaging in this argument he was intent on starting. Whatever energy for the day she had possessed twenty minutes ago she had drained dry.

"Minjung please! Please talk to me!"

She broke off another string of squares and folded them together laying them on the desktop. Creamy brown quickly soaked into the fibers and spread from embossed square to embossed square. 

"Look," she could hear him approach the back of the couch and stop. He ran his hand through his hair and sigh wearily. "I know we haven't known each other very long but I thought we were becoming friends and I don't like seeing my friends in trouble or hurting. I'd like you to confide in me if you thought you could, but of you can't maybe you could talk to Jinki or someone that you do trust. You need help. You need to let someone help you." 

Minjung refused to acknowledge him. 

After a moment she heard him repack his bag and walk out of the apartment. 

Minjung sank into her desk chair. She squeezed the roll of towels in her hand till her knuckles turned white and the burning pain shot through her injury once more. 

She would not cry. 

She would not cry over things she could not change. 

She would not cry over her bruises. 

She would not cry over Kibum.

Minjung sat and cried till the sobs shook her body and she couldn't breathe.

~~  
It was two days since Minjung had spoken to him and Kibum was beginning to wonder if she ever would again. 

He had shown up for work as normal the morning following the coffee incident not knowing what to expect and been handed a stack of papers. The sticky note on the top of them said 'retype'. He had not wanted to agitate her so he merely resumed his position at the island and began typing, noting carefully the red marking pen that had corrected and reworked the pages. 

When Kibum walked out of her door the other day he couldn't imagine feeling more miserable than he did. Something was obviously horribly wrong. No matter how many times his mind worked through it there was no way that the marks Minjung walked around with had been natural, or even made by some accident. There were too many. They were too deep. They were black and fresh- and yellow and aged all mixed together, there were the tell-tale piercings of a needle as well. They were intentional, and it confused him. 

For hours he had driven around, agitated and finding no answers. Several times he had found himself back outside Minjung's apartment building thinking about going inside and confronting her again but he would see a flutter at the window, a light flick on, a neighbor peering at him strangely and his foot would find the gas once again pressing it to the limit and carrying him away. 

He was a coward. Nothing in this past year had apparently changed too much.

Kibum hated the silent treatment she had been giving him. He had been welcomed into her home. He had been welcomed by her family. He had begun to wonder what it would be like to be welcomed by her. Now all he saw of her was her back as she hunched over her desk and typed diligently. 

The wall between them was growing thicker by the day and he wanted nothing more than to tear each brick down with his own hands. 

~~  
Minjung didn't know why she had allowed herself to be talked into this. 

Well, she did know, but she was not going to admit that, not even to herself. 

Trying to slough off her daily needs and wants to Kibum through a mere post-it note for the third day in a row had not gone over well. 

Kibum had told her he was happy to pick up her dry-cleaning and return books to the library but that she should do her own research when it came to personally photographing the palace gardens downtown at the historical site. 

Minjung had huffed her disbelief at him crossing her arms- but then she met his eyes she saw how serious he really was and how unlikely he was to relent. With a sigh she had plucked the sticky paper from the stack of books he still held and bent over her desk to scribble out the refused item. In a moment of pique she doodled a emoji with squinted eyes and protruding tongue at the bottom of the paper before slapping it down again in place. 

"There. Fine. Are you happy?" she challenged. He glanced at it and smirked at her.

"Yes. I am." 

"I'll take care of it after my appointment. Right now get going on that," she nodded at his pile. 

"Where am I dropping you?"

"You aren't dropping me anywhere. My taxi will be here in a moment."

"Wait," Kibum reached out for her arm and gently stopped her. "If you won't let me take you, at least let me pick you up and bring you home. Please."

Sincerity. It was her Achilles. 

"Do you know the cafe down the block from the south entrance of the gardens?" 

"Yes!"

Minjung chewed her lip as she considered. "Meet me there at two." 

“Deal.”

~~  
Minjung hated having to go out and do her own research and this was a perfect example of why.

Out of breath and overheated, sweat running rivers down her temples and down her back she trudged down the busy sidewalk towards the café and wished her feet would just fall off already. It surely had to hurt less than the pain that was currently searing through her feet. Each step felt like burning knives through her joints. Her arm burned where she had received her infusion and her head thrummed with a headache brought on by the extreme outdoor heat. She was not going to have a good night.

Silently she navigated through the crowds and kept moving forward. If she was lucky Kibum wouldn’t be there yet and she could have a few minutes to cool down and regain her composure before he arrived. Maybe take some of her emergency meds to take the edge off as well.

Again Minjung questioned her motivations for taking on this little venture. Being honest with herself she knew that had wanted Kibum’s attention, and maybe a little bit of his favor. Yes, she had been the one to throw up her defenses after the coffee incident the other day but sitting in the castle tower of her own making had been utterly lonely. She feared what he thought of her and what assumptions he was making about her after what he had seen but there was nothing she could do about that without telling him the truth- and that was not something that was going to happen. She’d missed the easy banter Kibum had taken up with her however, and missed the way that he filled up the quiet in her home, and in her head. She had reacted badly in the moment but she was ever so sorry for the way thing were between them now. She’d just wanted to show him she wasn’t mad at him. That she didn’t want to be cut off from him. Instead of communicating that clearly like a normal human she’d had to demonstrate it in a grand gesture of physicality. 

A gesture that he wouldn’t even recognize the value of.

She snorted and mentally scolded herself. Emotions were creeping into her heart in places she had long ago banished them from and it overwhelmed her to think of what things might be like in a few short days when she would finish the manuscript and he would drop out of her life again.

She refused to acknowledge the event existed.

All the same she found herself lingering over Kibum’s kindness to her in the way he went out of his way to do the extra things for her, his tenderness in the way he had cared for her injury and also confronted her when he thought there was a deeper hurt under the surface that needed tending to as well.

He was really kind of wonderful. A kind of wonderful she had daydreamed about but would never have.

Kibum had unfortunately found his way from her daydreams into her dreams at night too. She hadn’t realized it at first but gradually she had recognized his wide brow, strong nose, and sharp jaw. In those dreams she had been warmed by his eyes and set to smoldering ruins by his hands. In those dreams Kibum was always smiling and intensely happy, and he was always looking at her- looking at her like she was the reason for his happiness.

It was a fantasy she knew would never escape the dream world. 

Minjung pressed her weight against the glass door of the café and used her body to shove it open. She shuffled into the brightly lit and cheerfully decorated place and looked around for Kibum. He was nowhere to be seen and relief flooded her. She spotted an empty booth at the back of the place and headed for it.

“Minjung!”

Minjung swiveled around following the voice to the front of the café. She sighed, of course he would take the most prominent spot in the whole place.

Kibum stood next to a small table and gave an eager little wave. He was ridiculously cute and it hurt almost more than her feet. Setting in the corner where the large windows ran from the front of the building around to its side the area was flooded in sunshine and gave whoever sat there the vantage of looking over the whole intersection. He had to have seen her coming. She whined and plodded back over to him.

“Hey,” he motioned for her to sit, “You look like you could use something cool. What can I get you?”

Minjung eased herself into the pulled out chair and fidgeted trying to find a comfortable position that she could relax into. “Anything fruity and cold. I’m dying for anything, please.”

“I’ll be right back,” he smiled.

As soon as he turned his back to her she dug into her purse. Fishing out a small bottle she shook out a few tablets and shoved her palm to her mouth praying Kibum wouldn’t turn around and see her. She swallowed the pills dry and hoped she wouldn’t gag.

In a few minutes Kibum returned with a large raspberry lemonade- and an enormous bowl of patbingsu. The red beans were covered in milky syrup and the chunks of fresh fruit that were piled along the edge made her mouth water.

“Woahh, Kibum!” she smiled at him and he produced two spoons offering one to her. She took it and pushed her hair back behind her ears and glancing down. “I honestly don’t remember when I last had this it’s such a treat!”

Kibum grinned. “Dig in!”

Carefully she plunged her spoon into the frozen treat and scooped out a bite. The dry cold of the shaved ice hit her tongue and melted into a rush of refreshing liquid. It was heavenly and she moaned in appreciation.

Minjung looked up and found Kibum staring at her. She blushed and covered her mouth. “Sorry. It’s really good.”

“So I see.”

“You’d better get some before I eat it all.” Minjung warned him with a laugh sipping on her drink.

It apparently didn’t take a second warning for him to comply and they sat digging into the frozen mound in silence for several minutes.

“So did you get all the pictures you wanted?” Kibum asked, stealing a sip of her lemonade. She glared at him and took the drink back wiping the edge in disgust before sipping from the straw.

“Yup. I did. I think it will be really helpful reference for this last section of the story. This garden that my hero is building for my heroine is supposed to show his love and devotion for her. There’s a lot of details that I want to get right. The gardener at the palace was able to show me a lot of things that I hadn’t even thought of so I’m pleased.”

“See,” Kibum teased, “I was right to make you go. I haven’t a clue about plants and all you would have gotten was blurry green close-ups.”

“Shut up. You know nothing.” Kibum only laughed at her and she felt the blush creep up her neck as he chuckled. He dug into the quickly melting ice once more and she scooped up some fruit. The warm camaraderie was back between them and Minjung couldn’t be happier.

“Well, well, Kim Kibum. I haven’t seen you in quite some time! You’re still running away from civilized society I see.”

Minjung felt Kibum stiffen in his seat and a panicked look passed his face as she met his eyes. Minjung looked up to the woman standing behind Kibum. She was thin and angular with long shiny black hair and a sharp look in her eye. She looked every inch like a cat stalking its prey.

Kibum turned to the woman but offered a cold look in place of a greeting. “Funny seeing you here, I didn’t know your kind came out in daylight hours.”

The woman chuckled mirthlessly. “How’s your mother Kibum? Is she recovering well? It was so difficult to see her suffering through your sister’s illness alone. It’s aged her so much!” 

“You can leave now Suzy. I don’t want to hear any more of the trash you have to spew.” Kibum’s voice was cold as the patbingsu and it startled Minjung. She’d never heard him so deadly serious before.

Suzy smirked and turned her attention to Minjung, her arms folding across her chest. “You really should teach him better manners if you plan on keeping him.” Her gazed flicked to Kibum and back to Minjung. “From what I hear though he really is quite difficult to train. Even his father couldn’t get him to take over the family business. It’s such a disappointment really. He used to have a future. ” 

Minjung watched Kibum out of the corner of her eye as the haughty woman vomited her vitriol. She could see his anger boiling in the flash in his eyes but under that he was crushed. Something was eating away at him, something this woman had brought to the surface. He stared at Suzy his shoulders slumping and it was if this lynx had snuffed the light out of him.

Minjung was enraged.

Abruptly she stood, pushing back her chair from the table. Ignoring the pain that shot through her as she moved suddenly.

“How dare you! This is my friend and you will not speak to him like that. You have absolutely no right to come in here and say those things to me! Who are you that I should care? Get out of my sight. I don’t listen to trash like you.”

Suzy’s mouth hung open and she looked at Minjung hatred seeping from her pores. “Whatever.” She looked at Kibum. “Have fun with this one Kibum- for however long it lasts.”

When the woman turned on her heel and left Minjung was glad to see the back of her.

Minjung slumped into her chair. She covered the blush that rose to her cheeks with her hands. She didn’t know what had come over her. She’d never spoken to someone that way- but she had gotten so angry at the other woman’s careless words and their effect on Kibum. She knew that kind of pain too and couldn’t stand to see someone use their words like daggers to hurt him.

Minjung sighed deeply. She was so drained. This day was way too much for her. Pain filled her senses and dulled her thinking. Her mind swam with what the other woman had shared but she couldn’t make sense of it and she wondered how much of it was true. 

She didn’t have to wait long for the answer though.

Sliding her hands down her face Minjung looked at Kibum. His face shone with a mix of shock and intense awe- it was a look that mirrored her dreams.

It kind of took her breath away. No one had ever looked at her like that.

“You’re kinda awesome you know,” he said grinning.

“Shut up and eat your beans.” 

“I think I need to tell you about what she said,” confessed Kibum picking at little bits of the sweet beans with his spoon.

“No, you don’t need to do that Kibum,” she rushed to assure him waving him off. 

“Your past is your own and you don’t need to share it with me just because of what she said. You have a right to your own history.” 

Kibum leaned forward pushing the neglected dessert to the side. He crossed his arms on the table and thought a moment. “No,” he whispered, “I want to tell you.” He reached out across the table and gently took her hand in his squeezing it gently and she allowed it. Whatever he was about to reveal felt like it was going to be difficult for him to relate and she felt sympathy welling in her.

“I told you already that there are changes I’ve made to my life recently,” he began softly and she nodded. “Well that’s very true…but the story of why begins a long time ago. When I was twelve my dad died and my mother, sister and I were left very bad off. It was really hard for all of us but it was hardest for mom. She had been raised in a wealthy family and married a poor man for love. But with him gone she fell apart. Within a year she married again, and married for money this time.

What she did allowed us to be raised in comfort but there was no love in that home. My mother’s husband did his duty by my sister and I and he expected discipline in return. Social standing and obligations were to be observed at all times and we were never to bring disgrace on him.” Kibum paused and looked out the window. “It’s easy to follow the rules and just do what people tell you sometimes you know?” Kibum looked to her for confirmation of his words and she nodded. She knew all too well about what people expected of her- and how she would never measure up.

“Two years ago my sister got sick.” Kibum chewed his lip and wouldn’t meet her eyes. “It was cancer,” he whispered harshly. “She fought it for a year with my mother and her fiancée by her side. She was so, so brave…and I was so very scared,” his voice broke, choked and Minjung covered his hand with her own trying to bring him some comfort. Facing a serious illness was daunting, she knew, and it springing on someone in the prime of their youth was difficult for all involved.

“I was afraid of losing her so I refused to acknowledge that she was sick. I just kept doing what my step-father asked of me and buried myself in his business to escape from the reality my sister was going through. She went through so much without me. I wasn’t there for her- not until the last two weeks.” Kibum’s eyes filled with tears and he looked Minjung in the eye.

Minjung realized she was already crying, the wet streams leaving cold tracks down her face. Her heart ached. She had chosen her solitary life so that she bore her illnesses’ penalties and no one else- but to be left alone and abandoned in the face of your own death was unimaginable to even her. The kind, caring Kibum she knew didn’t match up with that picture.

“When Sooyoung died I changed everything. I knew I could never live like that again. I had been so wrong and I’ll never get to fix that. What I had lost was nothing I can get back- but I can live in a way that honors her memory. I can live in a way she would be proud of me and that I wouldn’t be ashamed of.”

“So you started out on your own and went to Horizons.”

“Yes,” Kibum affirmed, “I left everything and began again at Horizons, it seemed like a fitting place to start.”

Minjung smiled softly, she knew all too well just how good a place it had been for her. Solar had just been beginning the company when she found Minjung struggling and hurting and looking for an outlet for her pain. They had worked closely together over Minjung’s first novel and formed a deep bond that they each drew on to this day. 

“Solar knows your story?”

“Yeah, most of it. It’s one of her first questions when she’s interviewing I guess, “What story do you have to tell?’” he air quoted.

Minjung shook her head in disbelief. What Kibum had done gave her pause- but the obvious remorse he had coupled with the way he had walked away from all of his former life to begin again resonated deeply with her. His story mirrored hers in so many little ways. Solar had sent her the one person she knew Minjung couldn’t dismiss. The only one who she could relate to deeply.

When she got ahold of Solar she was going to have a few words for her.

“That sounds just like her. She knows what she’s doing in asking it too.” The statement drew a chuckle from him. “Kibum, I’m sorry about your sister.”

“Thanks. It’s been a long journey. I’m sorry that Suzy came in here today and ruined everything.” Kibum poked at the bowl of slush and fruit with his spoon.

“Don’t worry about it. Stuff happens sometimes,” she shrugged. “You couldn’t have stopped her any more than you could control the weather.”

“I’m sorry all the same. Minjung, there’s a lot more about me that Suzy could have told you, and I’m sure more than some of it would be true. But I want you to know that I’m not the same man I was two years ago- or even a year ago- I got help, I learned to grieve with those friends I’m proud to call family, and I moved on. I’m committed to the changes I’ve made. I’m not going to go back on them. I don’t want to live without love in my life, and I really don’t want to live with a love that holds anything back.”

“ I think we all have pasts that we wish we could move on from.” Minjung spoke quietly. “I think that’s an admirable goal. I hope you find it Kibum.”

The drive back to Minjung’s home was silent. But for the first time in days the silence held the comfort of an old sweater wrapped around bare shoulders and not the chill of a mistral that threatened to strip her bare.

It was a good feeling.

One Minjung wished she could begin to hope in.

But one she knew she never could.


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with this story and reading it! It was difficult for me to review this fic for reposting here as it is so personal to me and brings up so many feelings but I hope it has connected with you in some way and that you have enjoyed it. I am ever grateful for every reader's support. Thank you.

Minjung was in terrible pain. It was the kind of pain that flared and lingered for days- and she couldn’t do a thing about it. The walk through the gardens had been too much for her body and the effects had remained over the last two days. She would have liked to hole up and stay under her covers until she could at least walk again without limping but that wasn’t going to happen- she needed to get out of bed and keep going. There were only ten days left before she had to turn in her final draft so no matter the pain she needed to try and work.

Her heroine’s fate was looming and as Minjung approached the end she didn’t know if she would be strong enough to give the woman the happiness she deserved after all she had been through- but Minjung wanted to try.

At least one of them could have a happy ending.

Minjung had thought a great deal about the story Kibum had shared with her in the café and its effect had been lasting. For the first time in years she felt her heart stirred to deep compassion and deep longing to be near another human being. His hurts hurt her and his hopes stirred hers as well. If she was honest, it was why she hadn’t nixed Kibum’s presence from her apartment over these last days of pain. 

She wanted him near. With the physical and emotional blending together in a tremendous tide, he would inspire her to write what she must.

She would just have to hide the pain as best as she could manage.

~~  
Kibum pushed open Minjung’s front door with an elbow and shoved it closed with his foot. He toed off his shoes in the entryway and stepped into the guest slippers that waited for him every morning.

Minjung had buzzed him into the apartment without a word this morning and that was unusual. After his first week there she would always acknowledge him with a _“hang on”_ , a _“gimme a minute,”_ or even one morning with a _“why are you so early every morning?”_ This morning she was nowhere to even be seen.

He carefully set down the carrier of coffee and small pink striped paper bag on the kitchen island and unloaded himself of his messenger bag. He pulled down Minjung’s favorite mug from the cupboard and set it next to the paper cups of coffee and then began to unpack his work station and get set up for the day.

Kibum hoped that the treats he had brought for them today would perk up Minjung. The last few days she had looked exhausted and ill, barely moving from her spot at her desk. Despite his repeated questions he had been met with nothing but steely reserve as she assured him she was fine.

He didn’t buy a word of it.

If she was fine he was Santa Claus.

He wished he could get her to tell him what was going on and why she seemed to be suffering so but it didn’t look as if that would happen anytime soon. Peace offerings, however, seemed to go over very well with her and serve to temper her moods so today he wanted to do something nice for her. No one objected to pastry. No one sane at least. 

As Kibum went to ease onto his stool and get busy Minjung screamed from behind the closed bedroom door.

The distinct sound of glass hitting the floor was followed by the hard thump of something much larger.

Kibum started, his eyes locking on the pair of sliding doors that he had been forbidden to enter. He raced to the threshold of the door and banged loudly with the palm of his hand.

“Minjung? Minjung! Are you alright in there?” Kibum was worried, and rightly so he thought as another thud sounded and Minjung cried out again. His hand hovered over the latch and he warred with what he should do. “Minjung? What’s wrong- are you okay?” Minjung didn’t answer him and all he could hear was gasping sobs. 

Rules be hanged- he was going to see what was wrong.

Kibum slid back the door and peeked into the room. Lit up by a side table lamp there was a large bed directly in front of him, disheveled from a night’s use, pillows strewn everywhere. On each side of the room to the left and right was a door. Kibum stepped into the room and followed the noises to his right and approached the door.

“Minjung? Are you ok?” he knocked softly at the door to alert her to his presence.

“What are you doing in my room?” Minjung shrieked, her voice panicked and frightened through the tears. He felt a twinge of guilt for breaching her inner sanctum but he was more worried right now about what had happened to make her scream.

“I came to see if you were okay. Something sounded wrong… What broke- are you hurt?”

“I’m…it’s okay, it’s fine.” Kibum could hear her struggling with something as she continued to hiccup through the tears. It sounded like something was being dragged across tile. Minjung’s reassurances weren’t convincing. 

“Minjung, I’m coming in.” He leaned into the handle of the door and turned it popping the latch but not swinging the door open.

“No!” her voice was alarmed but the tears did not abate. There was no way he was going to let her cry and struggle on her own. He had to find out what was going on.

The bathroom door swung open with ease. Minjung sat on the floor in front of a large soaker tub and clutched a towel across her naked body trying to cover as much skin as she could from head to toe. What looked to be the remains of a large glass jar lay smashed at the foot of the tub lavender salt crystals pouring out and sprinkling themselves everywhere.

Halfway in and halfway out of the depth of the tub was what looked to be a white plastic seat. A matching controller hung limply from a coiled cord and dangled over the side of the tub. It looked like something you would see in a hospital to aid patients bathing and Kibum was confused.

“Minjung! What happened?” He rushed to her and knelt down. She looked half drowned with dripping hair and shattered look. His hands wanted to reach out for her and check for fresh injuries but he held himself back, this already wasn’t a good situation, there was no need to make her more upset with him.

“Kibum no, please! Just go! I’ll be fine in a minute!” she pleaded pushing at his shoulder. 

“I’m not leaving you on this floor Minjung! This is dangerous.” Kibum looked up and around searching for her clothes. The chair sitting just beyond the end of the tub held a stack of towels that were half tumbled off the seat and a flash of bright purple that was thrown over its back. He grabbed up the purple cloth and settled the slip of a dressing gown around her shoulders it’s silky material falling around her. “Come on, put it on and then we’ll get you off this floor.”

Kibum pivoted, turning his body away from her to give her some privacy. Once he was satisfied that she was decent he turned back to her. Without another word he scooped her into his arms and lifted her from the floor. For someone so tall and gangly he wondered where all her weight was as he carried her back into the next room. She was a slip of nothing and he cradled her into him tighter.

Minjung never stopped her litany of _“no”_ and she hit at his chest and shoulder making her displeasure known. 

Gently he deposited her onto the bed where the covers were still tossed back and waiting.

“Why did you do that? You shouldn’t be in here!” Minjung fumed at him. “I would have been fine. You don’t have to worry about me- I get along fine on my own!” She tossed one of the decorative pillows at him in her anger and he sidestepped the blow.

Kibum looked around the room he was in. It was simply decorated in the same style as the rest of the house. There was a small table and lamp that bookended each side of her bed, and to his left a pair of dressers that bookended the door he suspected was a closet. In the opposite corner towards the bathroom door was a compact leather recliner.

His eyes swept back across the room taking in the fine details. Her wall facing the bed was covered with picture frames of every description. The pictures were of every lovely thing he could imagine- brightly colored flowers, neutral toned animals, and soft-hued landscapes of cities and countryside alike. He bet it was an inspiring display to wake up to every morning.

Beside her on the little table was something that held his attention the most. A basket full of bottles- pill bottles- bottles of every shape and size and color. Prescriptions, supplements, creams and lotions- all of them crammed into a space that seemed too small for their number and who were obviously frequently used.

The surprise of it took him off guard and dread slid through him at what he began to understand it meant. These were the rooms of a sick person. 

He had been right in the worry that had been building in him over the last week. There was something very wrong with Minjung.

“I did it because I was concerned for you.” He looked her in the eye and willed her to understand his worry. He wished to ask her so many questions right now but he didn’t know where to start. He wished to connect to her and to make her talk to him. He wished to wrap her up in his arms and let her know that she was safe and whatever this was wasn’t going to make him run from her.

If only wishes were reality.

Kibum stood there dumbstruck not knowing where to start and he could see the look of hurt and anger flash across Minjung’s face as she read it as disgust and rejection. The tears dried up and now she was mad. She was seething.

“Get out.”

“Minjung, please let’s just talk. Don’t overreact about this. I just wanted to help. I really wish that you would talk to me and tell me what is going on.”

“Overreact?” she exploded, “Overreact? How can you say that? I decide what’s overreacting- and this is not overreacting!” She flung another pillow at him and it bounced off his arm as he moved away. Minjung pointed at the door. “Get out. I don’t want to talk about anything and I don’t want you here. You’re done. Tell Solar to take you back- tell her I don’t want her meddling- and I certainly don’t want you.” The anger in her voice cracked and bled through a tinge of pain as she issued the order. 

“No!”

“Yes.”

Kibum didn’t know what to say or do to make any of this better. His protests would get him nowhere as her tone brokered no argument. He had put his foot in it in a big way and he would have to retreat and regroup if he was to salvage this situation in any way.

“Okay,” he whispered. “Okay, but this isn’t over.”

It took him only a minute to pack his bag and walk to the door. He looked back down the hallway and through the living area. Minjung’s doors were still slid open and he could see her sitting in her bed face in her hands and shoulders shaking.

He wondered what he had done and how could he have caused her so much pain by such an innocent and well-intentioned action.

As he stepped out of her door he felt the same cold chill run through that he had as he left this house the first time. Kibum wondered if he really would ever return to Minjung again.

~~  
Kibum sat in the sparsely furnished antiseptic smelling office and felt like a teenager waiting to see the Principal. There was a desk, a pair of chairs for guests, and a wall of books that he couldn’t ever dream of having the time to read.

He had spent the whole of yesterday and a terrible night tossing and turning, running over and over in his mind what he could have done differently to not upset Minjung but he found no answers in the swirled patterns on his ceiling.

Kibum thought he had been doing his job well. He was supposed to take care of Minjung and make sure that above all else she was able to complete and deliver the manuscript of her next novel into Solar’s hands by the deadline. Solar had drilled it into him text after reminder text over these last weeks. He thought that he had been making Minjung’s life easier with his presence. He thought he had been making her happy- and it had been serendipity to realize that she had been making him happy too.

Kibum didn’t know when it had happened but along the way apprehension had turned to fondness and fondness had without his notice bloomed into something he wondered if he could call love.

He certainly had all the hallmarks of being a Class-A fool. It would explain where his better judgment had gone as well.

When Kibum had woke that morning at dawn he decided he needed answers- answers that he could perhaps get only one place. A quick search online brought him a number and address and a place to begin.

Now he sat waiting, rubbing his palms across his thighs hoping that they wouldn’t be sweaty when Jinki walked into the room.

As if summoned by the thought the other man appeared. “Kibum-ah! What can I do for you today? Is everything alright with Minjung?” Jinki’s warm smile furrowed into a concerned frown as he shook Kibum’s hand and motioned for him to take his seat again.

“That is why I’m here actually. I didn’t know where else to go. I need help, and I think Minjung does too.”

Jinki closed the door behind him and sat down next to Kibum. “Okay, why don’t you tell me about it?”

For the next hour Kibum did just that. From the day he walked into Minjung’s life to walking out her door yesterday Kibum told Jinki everything that had passed between the two of them over the last three weeks as Jinki listened patiently without comment.

When he was done Kibum felt unburdened- but still troubled.

“So Kibum,” Jinki began carefully, “What did you come here for today? What is it that you want from me?”

“I was hoping you could give me some answers. What is wrong with Minjung, Jinki? She’s hiding something; I know that now, but… Why is she hiding from the world- from me? What have I done that was so wrong and how can I get her to listen to me again?”

The corners of Jinki’s mouth turned up in a wry smile. “Has Minjung told you anything about herself Kibum?”

Kibum felt a lump settle in the pit of his stomach and he braced himself for where this conversation was about to go. “No, she hasn’t.”

Jinki rose from the chair. “You’ve never read her before either I’m betting?”

“Read her? You mean like read her books?” Jinki nodded. “Um, no, I haven’t. I’m not actually that big of a reader.”

Jinki walked over to his bookshelf and paused. Displayed prominently on the bookshelf right at eye level was a row of pastel-colored books with beautifully watercolored covers. The spines showed the name Choi in delicate lettering. 

Kibum didn’t know how he had missed the connection before.

Those were Minjung’s books.

He didn’t know why he had never thought to look them up or find out about them.

“I know you probably have read a good portion of what Minjung is working on now but if you have never read her books you wouldn’t have known exactly what you were reading. Right now Minjung is working on the sequel to her debut novel which was a nationwide bestseller.” Jinki took down one of the books and handed it to him. “It was a story that ripped out the hearts of every woman in the country from fifteen to ninety-five- and more than a few of their husbands and boyfriends along the way too. Minjung is her writing Kibum. You should read it for yourself. It might give you some of the answers you are looking for.”

Kibum took the thick book and didn’t know what to say. He understood what Jinki was telling him but he wasn’t sure what Jinki was trying to say and it confused him more than ever.

There was a knock at the door and a smartly dressed nurse poked her head in. “Doctor, your first appointment is here and ready for you.”

Jinki turned to her smiling and gave her a small nod. “Thank you, I’ll be out in just a moment.” He walked back in front of Kibum and leaned back to sit on the desk. 

“Kibum, I know you have a lot of questions that I’m not really answering. But it’s not my place to answer most of them; I can only point you in the right direction. And to be clear- I wouldn’t be doing this for just anybody- but I can tell from what you’ve told me and from seeing the two of you interact that you care deeply about Minjung. And frankly, it’s about time that Minjung had someone to care deeply about her. It might be a lot to ask but I hope you can truly be that person. I hope you can figure this out.” 

Kibum was dismissed with a friendly handshake and a “good luck Kibum!” and he felt a foreboding sense of déjà vu. 

A few minutes later Kibum stood waiting for the elevator and stared down at the book in his hands. He didn’t understand how Minjung’s book could tell him anything relevant but at this point he was willing to try anything that would give him the answers he needed.

It was going to be a long day.

It was a good thing he didn’t have to go into work.

~~  
Kibum began Minjung’s book sitting in the café they had shared cold drinks and warm memories in only a few days before. His spot in the solitary armchair was flooded with light from the window. It was the kind of sunlight that started bright but after being filtered down to the bodies below in between skyscrapers and city apartment buildings it ended up never quite warming the soul.

Once he had begun he couldn’t stop.

The more Kibum read the more what Minjung had been writing in the manuscript made sense and the more his heart broke. The story that his hands had been all over was a story of hope and of blossoming new beginnings, of beginning again after a past tragedy.

This story was all tragedy.

An illness sprung up in childhood- mysterious, debilitating, and final. Ridicule and reclusiveness dogged the girl as she matured into high school. Nights were spent in tears over physical pain, over aching loneliness- each invisible to the naked eye. Hope came to her like the flush of sunrise after the passing of the winter solstice. Friendship, happiness, and love following on each other’s heels like a cascade of the purest waters from the highest heights. But with a cascade there was always freefall and landing. This landing was one that brought turbulence and brought the crushing weight of betrayal that washed over the girl in staggering cold waves. 

As the sun passed its zenith and began its descent over the city each word Kibum read became more desperate and more hollow with the turning of each page. The girl was trapped in a current she could not control and it thrashed the life from her. She wanted only to be free of it but by the time she was thrown out of its pull there was no more life she could surrender. The fall of love and the relentless encumbrance of her disease had taken everything from her and left her in ruins.

Kibum had never considered himself an emotional person who could be stirred by the outflow of a pen but now he couldn’t prevent the tears that ran freely down his face as he read the final pages.

_Minjung is her writing._

Jinki’s words rung in his head like the piercing shrillness of a never ending fire alarm. 

_Oh God, what had he done?_

~~  
Kibum slammed his car door with force and strode forcefully towards the man who stood slouched against his own car waiting for him.

“Please tell me why exactly nobody thought it was necessary to tell me any of this?” The soft green book was gripped tightly in Kibum’s hand and he waved it in front of Jinki.

“If that was your story would you be eager to share it with every person that came into your life?” Jinki squinted at him as he looked up into the setting sun that spotlighted the pair on the roof of the hospital parking garage.

“She wrote it for the whole world to see Jinki! Anybody and everybody can pick up this book and read the most personal account of pain and loneliness that I have ever read. If she cared about people knowing she wouldn’t have written it for the world to see!”

“How many people do you tell about your sister’s death in your first meeting of them Kibum?”

Kibum stepped back from the older man feeling like he’d been slapped.

“How did-”

“You don’t think that I would let you be involved with Minjung’s life if I hadn’t done a thorough check into your background did you? It is all very public information available to anyone with a newspaper and a search engine after all.” 

Jinki’s statement had the appearance of a casual question but its impact was like a scalpel and cut to the heart of his indignation showing him he wasn’t that different from the woman they discussed.

“There are all kinds of disguises Kibum. This is Minjung’s.”

“But why Jinki? Why is she still holding on to this? That’s the one thing I don’t understand. I’ll always carry the scars of what happened to me but it hasn’t become my shroud. Is Minjung doomed to walk around acting dead until she actually dies? Is she never allowed to love again?” 

“Minjung believes that no one will ever truly love her for who she is. She believes that in the end they will regret being with her and regret loving someone with the burden of an illness that is never going to get better and is never going to go away.”

The weight of his statement sunk into Kibum sifting into all the cracks in his heart the book had made and there was silence between them for a few moments. 

“All I’ll ever regret is not loving her with everything I have,” whispered Kibum.

“Then you should tell her that.”

“How? She’s so stubborn; she’s never going to listen to me! How can I ever make her listen to me?”

“If her love means that much to you I know I’ll find a way.” Jinki smiled wryly, “I’m no cardiologist, but you should probably start from the heart.” 

~~  
The ring of the doorbell was loud and unexpected. It was past ten at night and Minjung was in her comfortable lounge clothes and close to being ready for bed. There shouldn’t be anyone at her door at this hour.

Reaching for her phone on the wide arm of the cream chair she tapped the alert notice and brought up her door cam.

Kibum.

She clicked her phone off and turned it face down on the arm and picked up the manuscript pages and red pen once again. Like hell was she going to answer that door.

The doorbell persisted several more times and she could just make out Kibum calling her name in a low tone.

Her phone rang and she ignored it.

When the loud pounding on her door began she thought Kibum must have a death wish. Her neighbors were going to kill her for a disturbance at this time of night- but that was only going to happen after she killed him. Setting aside the stack of papers she trudged tiredly down the hall.

Minjung opened the door and let it bounce taught against the security chain. “What do you want?” she hissed. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“We need to talk. Please, let me come in!”

“No! Go away- I thought I made it perfectly clear the other day that you aren’t wanted here anymore. I have nothing to say to you, please just be quiet and leave.” Minjung quickly shut the door on him. His fist began the banging once again. She leaned up against the wall and listened to the ruckus.

Minjung’s anxiety began to well in the center of her chest and she tried to take calming deep breaths like she’d been taught to do. She did not need this. He tied her emotions in knots and she blushed with embarrassment at how he had found her and what he had learned about the secrets she had tried so hard to keep from him. 

Kibum being here now brought everything back from the previous day and made her flush hot all over remembering the way all her tired and weary places had melted into Kibum as he held her close. She had been so mad at him on one hand but on the other her body had betrayed her becoming drunk on the small physical contact they had shared. 

It was no surprise then that he had come to her in her dreams again last night.

Minjung closed her eyes and shut out the graphic images that flashed through her mind. She couldn’t do this she chastised herself. She was still angry at Kibum, it was true, but she had also come to terms with the fact that she cared about him. And because she cared about him she couldn’t allow him to come any closer to her.

She had never wanted it to come to this but he had given her no choice.

He had to stay on the outside.

“Minjung, I have to talk to you. This is important. If you don’t let me in I will do this in the hallway- so help me I will!” The banging stopped and all was quiet. “Minjung,” the voice was quiet as if he expected her to be right on the other side of the door and be able to hear it. “I read your book.”

Such few words, so quietly spoken- but they were enough to make the final straw break and the bottom in her world drop out. She gripped the doorframe for support and placed her forehead on the cool metal surface. _Oh no, oh no, oh no…this was not happening._

She reached up and removed the latch and opened the door.

Kibum didn’t have to be given a second invitation. As she stepped back he stepped through the door and closed it behind him. He reached for her and put a soft hand to the small of her back. “Come on, we need to have a serious talk and I really don’t want to have it in any hallway.”

She surprised herself at how easily she complied and found herself steered into the living room and back into her chair. But then again, her nerves and emotions were short-circuiting and a wave of fatigue was settling over her like a heavy blanket and she wondered at having the energy to follow him at all. This conversation was not going to go well.

“How are you today?” he began, perching on the edge of the coffee table and sitting as close by her as he could get. “You’re not hurt from the other day are you?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m fine. A few bumps and bruises but that’s not unusual so it’s okay, I’m fine.”

“I wanted to begin by apologizing for the other day. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable,” he reached out a hand to her knee but when she flinched he pulled it back again. “I was so worried about you Minjung. I am still worried about you to be honest.”

Minjung crossed her arms against her chest and remained quiet.

“Minjung do you know why I was worried about you?”

Silence.

“I’ve come to care about you Minjung, I care about you deeply and I’m here to ask if it’s possible for us to care about each other. I’d like to have a relationship with you, and, I think you feel the same way.”

Tears slid down her cheeks in two rivers and Minjung mentally cursed herself for not being able to hide her emotions from Kibum.

“I read your book today. It’s your story isn’t it?” she didn’t answer his question, she didn’t need to, the both knew the answer. “I am so sorry that happened to you- it was tragic and cruel- but you can’t let it stop you from living your life. You have to take some risks- you can’t live in this little apartment your whole life ignoring the world around you. Your illness doesn’t limit you- you are limiting you. You just have to get the right kind of things going for you, the right medicines and exercise, the right therapy and you’ll feel better. We could have a life together!”

Kibum’s words were like a kick in the gut. He had read but he didn’t understand any of it- and the accusations leveled at her she were ones she couldn’t let go. 

They were the ones that she spent her life defending herself against and to hear him speak them broke her heart.

She could never trust him after all.

Slowly she stood and stepped towards him. Minjung towered over him as he remained rooted to the carved chest and she took the paperback he clutched in his hands away from him. She weighed it in her hands and thought about how until now she had been so afraid of repeating its mistakes that she had been blind to new ones. Now she looked down on Kibum disappointed at his words and attitude. She shook her head with a grimace, anger boiling in her chest and ready to spill out in her words.

“Just because you read this book doesn’t mean that you know me Kim Kibum. It doesn’t mean that you have figured everything out- and it certainly doesn’t mean that you get to make judgments about me based on what you think you know. You know nothing. You know nothing about what it is like living with a disease that has taken my health, my mobility, the precious hours of sleep in every single night, and has taken my future! So don’t dare tell me what to do! This has been a long journey for me and I assure you that I am doing all that I can be to be taking care of my health and living a good life.

I am living a good life. It’s just not the one that most people do.

All this time you’ve been _looking_ but you haven’t really _seen_ Kibum.

You haven’t been there when I can barely walk or when I am too sick to actually take my meds. You haven’t been there when a dozen other side illnesses fight for a spot in my body and create new challenges for me that I have to figure my way around. You haven’t been there when people judge you for using a mobility device _“because you’re young and don’t need it”._ You haven’t been there when the anxiety comes crashing in and makes me live in _detailed and vivid color_ the hundred possibilities about what will go wrong in my body next. Or when the anxiety makes me question how I will be able to get past the flare it's causing.

You haven’t been there when the pain keeps me awake at night and I think about the lover that I always wanted but never will have because I could never do it Kibum, I could never ask a partner to be burdened with my care and the financial, physical, and mental burden I would place on him. I couldn’t do it. I won’t do it. And I especially won’t ask it of someone who thinks that they can come into my home and pass judgment on me and fix all my ills with positive thinking. How dare you!” 

“Minjung, that’s not-” Kibum began, distressed at what she was saying.

“You can’t fix me! Don’t you get that? I’m not whole Kibum, and there is nothing that will ever make me whole again! I’m a cripple and I can never give you what you want or what you need. I will always be taking from you and I’ll never be able to repay it. I don’t want a relationship like that. It’s too much of a burden for either of us.”

“My disease, this Rheumatoid Disease that I am living with has become a deep part of who I am. It’s not just the common cold.” Minjung bit her lip and searched for the strength she needed to continue. “So no, Kibum, the answer to your question is no. I could never care about someone who feels the way you do about my disease. Like it or not, we’re a package deal. You need to leave my house Kibum and never come back.” She spoke quietly now, but the seriousness showed in her tone. 

“It doesn’t matter what feelings I allowed my heart to indulge in, that’s over now. I never should have let Solar put you in my life. You never should have been here. In the end the mistake is mine- but it’s over now.” 

“I think you’re completely wrong Minjung.” Kibum said rising from his seat and they faced off. He looked at her pleadingly but she remained stoic. “You’re so wrong. I’ve fallen in love with you and I only want us to be happy together. I don’t know why you can’t see that!”

“And I don’t know why you are still here. Go Kibum, go and never come back.”

Minjung shut her eyes unwilling to watch him go.

It was only when the door slammed shaking everything in the apartment that she let go of the breath she had been holding.

Work forgotten in the desolation of the fallout Minjung slowly made her way into her room and crawled up on the big bed. She couldn’t believe what had just happened much less process it. It was like all her worst fears had been realized in the span of half an hour.

She felt sick to her stomach.

As the anxiety engulfed her Minjung wasn’t sure she was going to get enough air into her lungs to keep her from passing out. She sat stiffly against the upholstered gray headboard, her knees bent, feet braced and digging into the mattress.

And she wept.

This was the most miserable day of her whole existence.

Minjung sat in frozen horror for a long time after the tears were spent too numb to do more than blink and breathe. Finally she reached for her phone and hit the speed-dial.

“Jinki? I need you.” 

~~  
It was proving to be a wretched week for Kibum.

He knew after what happened he couldn’t go back to Minjung’s, not right now at least. But he couldn’t bring himself to contact Solar and let her know what had happened either. Minjung was well on her way to finishing her manuscript and she didn’t need anyone else being dropped into her life or to have to face down the wrath of her editor when he knew she must be feeling horrible.

A horrible that was all his doing.

It burned deep in his conscience to think of it.

So many things were churning in Kibum’s mind he wished there was some modern technology where he could spill them all out on the desk in front of him and see them to sort through, to pick up and examine, and to find some sense- but it was a job that strictly involved old school heart-searching. There wasn’t any alternative if he was to find the answers to why Minjung had reacted as she had…or how he was ever to win her back. 

~~  
Taemin glanced around taking a second look at everything down the hallway. The steady beep of a monitor could be heard from several of the rooms off of the hallway he lurked in and the stale manufactured freshness of purified oxygen hung heavily in the air.

Making sure that Jinki was nowhere in sight Taemin pulled Minjung’s phone from his pocket and brought up her contacts list. It was easy enough to find Kibum’s name and he transferred it quickly to his own phone.

He looked down the hall again monitoring the coming and going of the white-clad personnel and deemed it all clear for the moment. He punched the button and put the phone to his ear licking his lips.

“Hello this is Kibum.”

“Hey Kibum, it's Taemin.”

“Taemin? How did you get this number? What do you want?” His voice was hard. “Are you going to chew me out about Minjung? –Cause I can guarantee that whatever you have to say is something that I have told myself already. I don’t need the lecture.”

“What? No. Shut up, I’m trying to do you a favor Kibum. Seriously all your guilt-tripping drama can wait for another time.” Taemin looked up and down the hall again and still saw no signs of Jinki. “Kibum you need to come. There was a mix-up today when Minjung was getting her infusion and she was given the wrong treatment. It reacted with her other medicine and she had a severe reaction. When they were trying to fix it her heart stopped Kibum,” Taemin admitted, his voice cracking.

“What? Is she okay? What’s happening?” Kibum’s voice was nothing less than panicked and Taemin was glad to be getting a strong response from the man. He had suspected that there was more between them what Minjung had told them or Jinki would acknowledge to him in private.

He was right in calling Kibum, he and Minjung both needed a wakeup call.

“She is stabilized for the moment but it’s going to be a long night. I think you should be here.”

“I’m on my way Taemin. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thanks for calling me.”

“Yeah, no problem. But Kibum, try to avoid seeing Jinki on your way in okay? You’re not his favorite person at the moment. He’s going to have my head when he finds out I called you but if- well- just don’t run into him okay? And don’t waste the chance I’m giving you.”

Kibum sighed deeply and his breath crackled along the line. “Yeah, sure. I gotcha. Thanks Taem.”

~~  
When Minjung opened her eyes everything felt fuzzy around the edges and she struggled to remember what had happened and why she was back in a hospital gown and bed. 

The room was dark save the soft illumination coming from the up-lighting on the headboard. Her eyes drifted to the window and if the room was shadowy and indistinct inside, outside was pure blackness and no source for answers.

It had to be some unearthly hour of the night. She wondered how many hours she had been out and how soon daylight would come.

She looked down at her bare arms and observed the wires and lines- and the fresh rash that splotched across her skin and it all came back in a rush.

_Crap._ At least it wasn’t her fault this time. 

She blinked hard and cleared her vision, everything coming into sharp focus.

Including the man at the end of her bed.

Kibum was not the man she expected to see there.

Minjung wanted to know where her Jinki and Taemin were, she didn’t want to see this man. Her sentiments about the other night hadn’t changed.

The heart monitor picked up the rise in her heartbeat and squawked accordingly giving away that she was awake and aware and Kibum opened his resting eyes.

“How did you get in here?” she rasped, her throat dry as dirt.

“I lied through my teeth. I got here just as visiting hours were closing and I told them I was your fiancée who’d just flown in from Japan when I heard the news. They took pity on me.”

Minjung barked a laugh and her breath caught on itself sending her into a coughing fit. Kibum rushed to her side and offered her a drink from the pitcher on her side table. Gratefully she accepted it and swallowed the irritation away.

He stepped back from her and hovered at the foot of her bed.

She closed her eyes and sighed. She could only imagine what she looked like right now with wires leading out of her and into the monitor; and lines running into her keeping her hydrated, medicated, and calm. She refused to think about what state her hair was in or what smudged vestige of cosmetic remained after the ordeal of the day. 

She had no pride anymore, and only a little vanity.

Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes to the concerned face of Kibum.

“Taemin called you didn’t he?”

“Yeah, he did.”

She huffed, perturbed, and took another sip of the tepid water. “Next time Jinki gets the last chicken.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Kibum’s mouth. “Aw come on, that was at least worth a full smile! Humor the sick girl!”

The smile fell off of his face instantly.

“Don’t joke. From what I’ve heard there was nothing funny about what happened to you this afternoon.”

‘Kibum, if I can’t find things to laugh about- whatever my condition- I might as well be dead.”

“Yeah, about that,” Kibum began and Minjung braced herself for hearing another round of platitudes. “I’ve spent all week researching your condition.”

Minjung didn’t know how to take this news. No one had ever taken time to really learn about her disease and the thought that he had pleased her more than she wanted it to.

“What you have, the Rheumatoid Disease, the Arthritis…and everything that goes with it… It’s horrible and I- I didn’t know. Minjung I’m sorry. I never should have said what I did to you. I overstepped my bounds. I pushed you. I was ignorant and I did the thing I didn’t want anyone to ever do to you again- I hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?” he pleaded.

Minjung felt the sharp prick of tears hit the corner of her eyes and she blinked rapidly trying to keep them from turning into something more. She nodded timidly, the tears coming anyway, and reached out her hand to him. Kibum stepped up to her side and took it squeezing it reassuringly.

“You are one of the most special people that I have ever met Minjung. They all said you were but I didn’t realize why before. You have handled something terrible in your life with grace, but you haven’t lost your spirit either. You are funny and sweet, and weird and pretty, and I don’t ever want to make you mad at me again but I’m sure I’m going to. I know that there is stuff we will have to work through, and I know you will have to teach me about you, and your disease, and how everything works but I don’t want to miss any of it because, because I don’t want to miss one more minute of my life with you. I want _us._ Do you hear me Minjung?” he pleaded gripping her hand tighter.

The sigh that escaped Minjung came from the grief and weariness of holding something in until denial became second nature. “That sounds so lovely Kibum,” she confessed. “But I’m afraid of touching the dream you just painted. If I do I’ll just spoil it, it’s too beautiful for me. I know I can’t have that reality.”

“I couldn’t bear to lose you Minjung, I’ve never been so scared as when Taemin called me today and I got the news.” Kibum’s eyes were filled with tears and seeing it twisted her gut. “Please don’t scare me like that again,” he said in a small voice. 

“Kibum,” she pulled him to sitting on the bed and began tracing the outline of his hands, his fingers, outlining every feature in her memory. “The reality is that _I will_ scare you like that again. If it’s not a freak reaction to meds it will be the surgeries that I will have to have in the future, or it will be something else altogether. I chose being alone so no one else would have to ever be scared like I am.”

“No one should be scared by themselves. If it has to happen let it be _with_ me.” He paused tangling his fingers with hers. “I hate the way you look at your illness as a hindrance to having happiness. I don’t want to just pass judgment, I do want to learn. It’s something that we’ll have to work through together. You have to believe me that I’m ready for this – I want the opportunity to make you believe it. I know I have a track record of screwing up but I don’t want to be a screw up anymore. I’m standing right here and I’m not running away. Just like I promised myself before I want to promise you. Let me be strong- let me take care of you, let me love you. I don’t want anything but to love you. I’ll regret it forever if I don’t give you my everything.”

Kibum’s words shook her to the core. She didn’t ask _‘how could’_ anymore she only was amazed that anyone would love her that much. 

Minjung wasn’t strong enough to lie to her heart anymore.

She wanted to be loved.

In a flood the dam broke and all the years of repressing the love she desired, the fears she avoided, and the security she craved, burst forth in a torrent. Kibum reached forward and drew her to his chest and enfolded her. His arms felt strong, and warm, and secure. It was a feeling she savored and allowed herself to melt into.

She was accepted.

She was loved.

She had a future.

~~  
Four days later after being released from the hospital Minjung sat down before her laptop, cracked her knuckles, and bled her heart onto the page one last time. 

It was cathartic.

And healing.

And as she laid the final printed sheet onto the stack she had never felt so free.

She righted the corners and slid the whole of the last month’s work into the manuscript box.

Minjung rose and handed the box to Kibum a smile wide and stunning gracing her features, and a sense of peace settling into her soul.

“It’s done.” Minjung leaned into him, her slender body aligning with his firm and strong one and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “The story is done.”

Kibum set the thick box down on the coffee table and cradled her hips in his hands. He leaned down for a kiss and they both smiled into it. Minjung blushed and turned her face away. She still wasn’t used to receiving affection and it made her shy.

Shy but happy.

She would adjust.

Kibum gently guided her face back to his, a knowing look on his face. He pecked her on the nose. 

“No Minjungie, it’s only beginning.”


End file.
